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OCTOGENARIAN

I wish I could look at you without shattering
 1
but I cannot
 2
that is what we who are broken do
 3
we stare at each other
 4
as though we won't crumble
 5
what is most pitiful though is I rushed back inside to write this down
 6
I didn't even take my jacket off before I put pen to paper
 7
as if these thoughts themselves would keep me from turning into tiny pieces passing away
 8
I will cease to write this now
 9
rest my pen on the page
 10
and look up
 11

19 Jan 12

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comments?
 — OCTOGENARIAN

anyone?"
 — OCTOGENARIAN

ok, since you asked, it kind of sounds like williams, but that's not really a poetry. you really should write out stories instead of memos to the other, showing a situation and how it played in your mind, and then tell us how you want us to react to it. prose can do that, but poetry only writes about the author, only gives a picture of the author, and i don't want to feel sorry for anyone who can write at all.
 — cadmium

Your syntax is way off in L2.  You might wanna proof read your stuff before posting it so you don't catch hell from someone.  I'm guessing you're in high school?  Am I right?  This is beginner-esque Poetry, which is why I'm asking.
 — starr

Octo!  You're no be in High School!  LOL!
 — starr

starr, it's actually like william carlos william's syntax, a very refined way of seeming to say what's on your mind.

but, in any case, it's not supposed to be prose and shouldn't be read like prose until it actually fails as poetry.
 — cadmium

if it had punctuation, it'd be

...without shattering,
but i cannot;
that is what we...
 — cadmium

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