poetry critical

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yellow sneakers, soaked
with the gloomy sky's bitter tears,
trudge twisted, muddy roads,
searching for the vague silhouette
of home.

29 Apr 04

Rated 9 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (10): 3, 4, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(3 more poems by this author)

(5 users consider this poem a favorite)

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This is good -what a picture you paint - I've worn those sneakers - perhaps a little obvious at the end - 'home' might be that little bit too comforting.
 — opal

powerful images... i really like this. very sad and very good. good job.
 — unknown

Ohhhhh! I love you Trisha! Yet again you've managed to have another of your poems on my favorite list!
 — Rixes

powerful imagery. i like it. bravo!
 — imissyou

powerful..unlike the others it just seemed childish and reminicent. great pictures
 — madderhatter

I don't like "trudge twisted" but other than that it's alright
 — unknown

I absolutely disagree with the last unknown. I love "trudge twisted", it's my favourite part of the entire poem. Keep it in! "vague" is a good use of diction- it isn't a word that I often see being used as blatantly physically as you have made it. Also the idea that being "soaked" continues down to the second section, compiled with the personification of the sky is really brilliant. Awesome piece!
 — Inuki

 — unknown

i dunnno know why this got rated a 9, but its so bad.if i could log in it rate it a 1
 — unknown

good job i like this
 — unknown

i'm naturally a rain lover but this one was worth of some mention. i liked yellow sneakers and how it gets all dirty. the imagery is powerful. loved Lines 4 and 5 ;)
 — mrkhoo

THis is excellent.
 — Jsmiles05

I like it. I don't know why, (I don't know how it would be bad, either,) but I like it.
 — FangzOfFire

i dont think you need the comma after trudge twisted. it makes the poem feel too halting. other than that, i like this a lot. the imagery is extremely vivid, and encapsulating.
 — wendz

it's short but it's still really descriptive and paints a picture in my mind
 — scribeastray

Would remove line 5, 'vague silhouette' is a good to end on. The poem is clear, so you'll want readers to think about there own expirances, 'of home' stops people from thinking! Great poem, contradictory to wendz I like the comma... but i feel soggy now!
 — PaulBeers

i like it nice images it paints a clear picture its short and sweet..well sad but you know what i mean  good job!!
 — unfabulous01

It has been a while. I'm making this a favorite. Love it.
 — mrkhoo

You're able to say so much with an economy of words. Very nice indeed.
 — GregoryC

has [potential]
 — unknown

trudge twisted, awesome imagery
 — unknown

"gloomy sky's bitter tears" seems awfullly overstated, as is much of this.
 — eajohnson1

I love it.
 — unknown

L3, I think, should be hyphenated; trudge-twisted
 — unknown

yeah, ditto that hyphen comment.
 — themolly

wonderfully worded, and true to the bone.
 — bleach