poetry critical

online poetry workshop



imaginary years
unknown

read two
 1
stalk-fool virtual years
 2
another reality
 3
two biting years
 4
pie in the sky
 5
in love
 6
still counting
 7
and
 8

29 Feb 12

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Comments:

and...

lol, this is such ridiculous "poetry"

do you have a lover who you hope might read?

get dressed for the occasion or, seriously, what are you even doing here?

if it is a parallel universe, make it one - you're wasting your time otherwise. a bit like this typing on my phone.

"pie in the sky" is cliche and "still counting" likewise.

trite, lazy, ridiculous poetry.
 — unknown

thank you

f
 — unknown

this is maybe where hip-hop could and should go, as a solution to retard. to read this, you have to get involved with making words, and hip-hop is just rolling over and taking smart-ass passively -- 'such gud thoughts'

not that i'm saying you're coming from that space at all, but that it struck me that the first two lines had energy and that you'd opened that energy beyond cliche.
 — cadmium

looking at the unk's comment --

there's a time when a phrase just works, just becomes a new phrase because of the energy of the matrix -- 'pie in the sky' is 'ironic', yes, but also a gift to the reader, not a cliche, where you have to be brain-dead to accept it, and using the cliche would be a mistake in a poem.
 — cadmium

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