poetry critical

online poetry workshop



night meeting
cassell

Eastern walled pleasure Garden
 1
shadowless, jaggered leaves
 2
enlivened by nightly frosts.
 3
Protruding radial wind wheels,
 4
intermittendly side stepped,
 5
tacitly dissevered our tryst
 6

1 Mar 12

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Comments:

Cassell i like your style. Short and too the point. Sometimes  though i feel your diction is like a dictionary sweep
 — unknown

maybe a comma after 'stepped'...?

formula poem but nice sounds -- a klezmer band behind the bushes, tootling cole porter; and, in the far sky, the Twins ascending over Mirror, the land of many faces.
 — cadmium

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