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Woman Savage
CaseyPowers

The light is kind of dim
 1
and I wish that I could say
 2
in it,
 3
“Yeah, it’s alright.”
 4
But it’s not
 5
Okay
 6
so dancing, I alone
 7
try to hold it this
 8
burning empty flame
 9
of mine
 10
flickering coal
 11
an ember dying
 12
and there is nothing to hold now
 13
just black soot
 14
paint my finger black
 15
streaks of war paint on my
 16
face
 17
to battle on my own
 18

5 Mar 12

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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Comments:

who is being savage, the actual woman or your idea of her, there is little action taking place here
 — unknown

You are right that there is little action taking place. It is more about the feeling of needing to buck up and go grrrr.  The narrator is the one who is needing the savagery.
 — CaseyPowers

I like Lines 11-18 a lot. Before that you use light too many times.
 — marieclaire

thank you marieclaire...I took one light out and am trying to figure out what to do about the other one.
 — CaseyPowers

What if you substituted light with flame in line 9?
 — marieclaire

thank you marieclaire...I took your suggestion.
 — CaseyPowers

i like this poem
 — 9

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