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Woman Savage

The light is kind of dim
and I wish that I could say
in it,
“Yeah, it’s alright.”
But it’s not
so dancing, I alone
try to hold it this
burning empty flame
of mine
flickering coal
an ember dying
and there is nothing to hold now
just black soot
paint my finger black
streaks of war paint on my
to battle on my own

5 Mar 12

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who is being savage, the actual woman or your idea of her, there is little action taking place here
 — unknown

You are right that there is little action taking place. It is more about the feeling of needing to buck up and go grrrr.  The narrator is the one who is needing the savagery.
 — CaseyPowers

I like Lines 11-18 a lot. Before that you use light too many times.
 — marieclaire

thank you marieclaire...I took one light out and am trying to figure out what to do about the other one.
 — CaseyPowers

What if you substituted light with flame in line 9?
 — marieclaire

thank you marieclaire...I took your suggestion.
 — CaseyPowers

i like this poem
 — 9

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