poetry critical

online poetry workshop

you halved

you is not you
you halved
clichéd and passé
you is poesy
a piece more than jewel
a crown i am highly wearing
but you are thorns
it bids to coagulate
your doppelganger
blood in blood --
i cower most its alluvium

7 Mar 12

Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (1): 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Take line 6 and run for your life. The rest is rotting out.
 — Known

^ outrageous accusation.
author, do you deplore your attraction? Is it beyond attraction?
I enjoyed this poem, paricularly the surprising altitude of L 6.

poesy vs. poetry is an eternal meaningful debate.
 — lysandre

nice tight decoration, like a piece of jewelry -- good sense of rhythm and modern cadence. i like the wording, admire the concision.
 — cadmium

ignore the pedophile cadmium / james bauer
 — unknown

thanks. changed 'are' with 'is' on L4 to make subject 'you' universal making  transition of 'yours' in L7 subjective.
 — softyetharsh

http://www.yo utube.com/watch?v=4xn90GqBxbU
 — unknown

This jars on the eye. The use of you in such an irregular fashion is the primary culprit. I feel  the poem could have flowed easier. Consider typing this on paper and re reading it you may then possibly agree.
 — unknown

You are not you. You are not thyself.  You are not yourself. Words better for line one
 — unknown

Stars are always high and let you look it up. Louis Vuitton Handbags But if you can shine you can become star. And the light comes from replica designer handbags because everyone can have it. 2012 Miu Miu brand offer new models 3.1 Phillip Lim Handbags which look more maturate and beautiful. Cheap replica designer handbags attracted the attention of many female friends, to meet their pursuit of luxury Balenciaga Handbags for them, while also saving a lot of expenses.
 — hehandbags

Cartier handbags and also purses are one sure way to make an emphatic record about your class. In todays world, fashion is everything! The celebrities, people of class and prestige are aware that their outlook and look makes that guff with class resounding and because of this , balenciaga handbags and purses are not far from these celebrities. Celine handbags and purses can be a definition of expertise and quality.

Rolex watches having Japanese movements are highly well known among the followers of this exclusive brand. Rolex is a brand which has many admirers. The genuine Rolex watches are really expensive and thus these exclusive Replica watches having Japanese movements are a much cheaper alternative.
 — nanimu

Paid surveys are a great work from home opportunity Micha el Kors Watches to make some extra money in your spare time. Internet surveys are fun. At the same time, you help in the development of new products. Market research companies are interested in knowing your opinion on various mattersBlue Watches on behalf of their clients.Fa ke Panerai Replica Watches They are willing to pay you for the time you spend for them. Most ofSwiss Ebel Watches the reputed paid survey sites are
 — unknown