poetry critical

online poetry workshop



soda springs
cadmium

all around
 1
tree twigs
 2
are breaking —
 3
 
 
gray sticks split
 4
in copse
 5
and furrow,
 6
random twigs.
 7
 
 
boulders
 8
guide us
 9
through this desert...
 10
glide between them,
 11
happy to obey.
 12
 
 
once, lip to lip,
 13
i talked beyond
 14
believable —
 15
lands of mound
 16
and dune: red
 17
desert sands.
 18
 
 
so many white-splashed
 19
wishes
 20
cross these river boulders —
 21
twigs and stickers
 22
wedge between
 23
the granite breaks,
 24
accumulate
 25
into each rock,
 26
his red-root
 27
[dik].
 28
 
 
 
 
        

 29
 
 
8.12.03
 30
 
 

                
 31
 
 
 
 
...
 32

4 Apr 12

Rated 5.5 (4.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 1, 10, 10
Inactive (12): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 3, 5, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(42 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Feels alright. Welcome to the club.
 — unknown

Ezra pound would like this imagism
 — unknown

i kind of don't think he would have liked the isolation of each stanza though. and, really, the imagism is weak -- this is mostly a verbal piece with pictures. it could be a lot smoother, though i believe it's creating an emotional image out of the talk.
 — cadmium

Beautiful
 — unknown

spring is sprung.
 — cadmium

Thanx for reading!!
 — cadmium

been a long while, mike. hope you've been doing well.

happy holidays!
:)
 — fractalcore

^Class act.

I like this poem too.
 — 9

thank you, people-frac and nine. i still am surprised when i read it.
 — cadmium

peephole-frac, as a matter of fact.

it's hard to completely get into the psycho-emotional frame of this piece via the images. i need to read more of you (again).

:)
 — fractalcore

what i'd like from a critic is the gordon ramsey critic to read my stuff and tell me i'm a spoiled parasite, and that i should be writing a short story every morning to hone my wordings for when i have to write a poem... and, maybe also that i should bleach my inner cinema to get rid of crawling insects.
 — cadmium

maybe the strangest thing for me to understand is the unk saying that there are no new thoughts in this poem. the poem itself is the thought: it's not a philosophical thesis or novel.

i think the semi-read use poetry as a cheap way to write a story, or maybe as the first and only contact they'll have with ethical and moral thinking. i think the actual theologians and legalists write smart about morality and ethics, but they mostly haven't a clue how to invent a morality or ethics, and that's exactly what poets and artists do, and why this thing of mine is for making a creative consciousness, and not a new ten commandments. we've got those, and look how much influence they have on 'unk'. none, but that might be because he or she can't count that high.
 — cadmium

i think i'm getting in the zone a bit more after every read.

thanks & happy new year, mike.
;)
 — fractalcore

say it outloud, frac, and maybe you'll pick up on its rhythm...
 — cadmium

got the rhythm part.
;)
 — fractalcore

lyrical. muahh.
 — NicMichaels

splish, splash
 — cadmium

there's a vid of me reading and talking about my stuff.

https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=XD6RuoPSbjM
 — cadmium

the landscape is body, the motion through the landscape is love. the ending is when the poet's imagination becomes so certain and focused that he starts imagining the reader's part in it all. that's why 'dik' is spelled so, and why the brackets -- that the word is the real object, not the dick, and that the word is entering the reader's world as a visitor, not as a dick.
 — cadmium

yep, you're a cunt, cadmium.
no doubt about that.
 — unknown

debug
 — cadmium

a kind of dream poetry
 — cadmium

Reference message comment.
 — cadmium

comment reference message. well, maybe just to bump it up to find something quick that's worth reading.
 — cadmium

ok...you lost me at about ten...who cares?
don't get personal, and definately don't paint too much of a picture
in anyones mind...and
read this as if you were looking up at it...
 — hank

the fuck should i care if you get this? is it supposed to be important that the president of the simi valley trailer park poetry club likes anything that isn't a deposit slip?

this is published up a couple of times. i know you care about the poetry and poets here, so don't weep in your beer. all poets are queer.
 — cadmium

It's as I thought. you hate poetry. there are several here like you who're using the word 'poetry ' as an enablement to write anything at all. you sound like you're in hell. if you were a poet you could write yourself out of there. because you're a proser you're going to have to keep repeating yourself over and over to no real purpose except revenge. happy sentence writing.
 — cadmium

v day 2016 flood
 — cadmium

what would 'dramatic improvement' mean, if it meant killing the poem's persona in favor of turning it into trailer-trash romance novel? i don't like trailer trash intellectual life.
 — cadmium

you do understand that this is an allegory of sexuality and stating that sexuality is real because love is real? that each image describes a relationship between mind and body, and each image describes the phenomenology of body as expression and generator of feeling?

your idea of poetry technique is academic and self-defining. poets invent poetry, not prose.
 — cadmium

poetry is a way to create an image which resonates with various feelings and works as emotion.

'twigs' is something which can intrude on the body, stick the body the way a pin pricks the body. a prick is something which is physical -- the sound of the twigs breaking is a soundtrack to the poem's space.

the poem is a combination of beautiful images and well found words which sound beautiful together. i don't think you can get this if you don't have more than a 12 year old's english. which, i don't think you have. i don't think you know poetry either, not modern poetry -- this one resonates from pound and stevens and yeats -- and, takes them into the beat poetry movement -- my movement.

it's a beautiful poem. i know anyone can say that about their poem, but it's been published world wide a few times, and some people get it and some don't.
 — cadmium

the skum who rate this one are dumb, but understandable -- their genetialic force is numb in matters meta-glandual.
 — cadmium

A great poem reminds me of Buffalo by Nathan Whitling 1970
 — rivergood

this is a poetry workshop, not a burger joint. why does this poem remind you of  some other poem which sounds like one i'd never want to read? use words. words are our way of being.
 — cadmium

nathan 'whiting'. this guy isn't a poet, he's another short story writer using poetry as a way to talk story. another homer or virgil. they couldn't help it -- narrator reality wasn't invented back then.
 — cadmium

click
 — cadmium

Very enjoyable rhythm
 — unknown

Tratar de encontrar el verdadero negocio en bolsos baratos cuando se trata de comprar es un dolor. Conozca el valor o el valor de un bolso de mano. Esto se aplica a cualquier artículo que pueda comprar, pero lo está buscando a un precio reducido.

Publicada por: Michael Kors Bolsos | Bolsos Michael Kors Outlet | Bolsos Michael Kors Rebajas

När du känner till den allmänna kostnaden för en handväska, kommer det att ge dig en slags måttskala på hur mycket av en affär du faktiskt får. Fuska inte dig själv och sakna en sann affär. En sann affär skulle du få 75% rabatt på en redan billig handväska med bra material.

Det postat av: Michael Kors Väska | Michael Kors Väska Rea | Michael Kors Väska Rea

Il existe une pléthore de détaillants de sacs à main bon marché dans le monde entier qui sont plus que capables d'offrir aux individus les meilleurs moyens par lesquels les sacs à main bon marché sont offerts aux tarifs les plus abordables.

Il a posté par: Sac Longchamp Femme | Sac Longchamp Pas Cher | Sac Longchamp Solde
 — unknown

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