poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Recovering Truth Addict
9

On my way to the shelter
 1
past the strip club slash biker bar
 2
and the free aids clinic,
 3
I'll walk down (any) suburban street USA.
 4
Looking into windows of cookie cutter homes.
 5
Manicured lawns.
 6
Newspapers on swept porches.
 7
Toyota Land Cruisers in oil-stain free driveways.
 8
 
 
I'll watch families eating dinner together
 9
with their nice manners and fresh haircuts,
 10
bringing napkins to mouths
 11
that will laugh at just about anything.
 12
These people, these well-adjusted people
 13
more than anything else,
 14
disgust me.
 15
With their perpetual smiles
 16
and ever pleasant personalities.
 17
The 2.5 children and the daily 9 to 5,
 18
which suits their need to run in place indefinitely
 19
lest they ever feel anything
 20
real.
 21
 
 
I watch these people, these sleeping people
 22
keeping fear at bay with a
 23
tolerable spouse, an endurable job
 24
and manageable, legal drug habits.
 25
And I can't look away
 26
from this complete insulation from life,
 27
living unconsciously like this -
 28
grown-up babies nestled deep
 29
in their second wombs.
 30
 
 
I hate these people
 31
with everything in me
 32
and
 33
So Help Me God -
 34
I wish I were one of them.
 35

28 May 12

Rated 10 (9.6) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 9, 10
Inactive (8): 6, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(79 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Oatmeal Raisin?
 — unknown

American chocolate
 — 9

me too
 — unknown

THis is a thought provoking poem and portrays well the outcast, observer of conventions struggling in the midst of an order created to make profit from materialism which the majority are addicted to, so i would say the problem of their addiction is as great as the writers however much they try to disguise it and that the poet here has stripped away all the trappings of life to stare into the reality of the abyss. Truly excellent work

Larry black hole Lark
 — larrylark

You are. You're spoilt enuf to complain via computer. Go to Africa and see how people are too malnourished to think of jealousy  
 — unknown

I'm loving going through your poetry. This one pleases me enormously.  I have no critique, other than to say your writing gets me, right in the hidden parts of memory, and psyche, and aloneness.  Thanks for that.  It's been awhile since I enjoyed a marathon read on this site.
 — CervusWright

^ Glad you found some enjoyment.
Thanks for reading, you are very kind to say what you did.
 — 9

Great read. The ending was hard to take. The poem was so much building to a conclusion. Is this the USA  it sucks you in.
 — Rossant

Y'had me right up 'til the end of that unexpected finale.  UNexpected because I expect MORE from you, the wonderfully gifted, street visionary that grabs me by the balls every time with his keen, transient eyes..  I'd like to see you come up with something EXpected for that last line.  Not quite sure how to do it w/o sounding cliche, but then again, between the two of us "street" visionaries, sumpthin's bound 2 pop up.  Love your shit, 9!  God bless u, brotha!  :-)  
 — starr

The second stanza is so scathing and painful to read, but also so very true and honest.

You're a good writer. You do it well.
 — jenn

thank you guys, however the end I will keep. love from me.
 — 9

this sounds rhythmic and flows into idiom -- I'm smitten by its acerbic truth -- sentimental-realism in idiom ... bravo

“What is a poet? An unhappy man who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music.... And people flock around the poet and say: 'Sing again soon' - that is, 'May new sufferings torment your soul but your lips be fashioned as before, for the cry would only frighten us, but the music, that is blissful.” ― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or
 — AlchemiA

^
 — unknown

business insurance >:) florida homeowners insurance 830071
car insurance gom state auto insurance fzdgd
 — unknown

Damn good man. 28th line nails it. Is that really you in that picture on your page?
 — yield

me too.
 — unknown

i like the 'slash' :)
how did i miss this one?
i'm almost one of them and i hate it so i like to go mental now and then
just to shake things up.

L28, love that.
manageable caffeine habit- yes!!

all of it is good. so good. it's you and it's great and it's why i like you so darn much.
:)))
 — mandolyn

"will laugh at just about anything"- How is it so easy for them to laugh at such inane things? And what makes me laugh offends them. Dead baby jokes that make them cringe, and look at me like I am weird. But, when you say "I wish I were one of them"....., me too.
 — dannyprice

0.348s