poetry critical

online poetry workshop



a butterfly flapping its wings in china causing storms in new york
vsradioflyer

the sweetest of blood
 1
choked the river with love
 2
keeping the leaves folded
 3
to turn the white soil golden.
 4
too, too ill faded,
 5
towards the mention of the mood,
 6
keeps his heart pumping,
 7
as the roots undo.
 8

4 May 04

Rated 10 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (7): 3, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(39 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Try it as haiku. You've got the workings of it.

nevertheless. This is very good. It's sparse and stark all at once. It reminds me of kardiac.
-zep
 — zepplin42

I liked this, but I stil can't decide if I like how the title tells more than the poem actually does, or not?
 — youbrokeme

I really like this. It is so.....gray. Are you understanding this? Well anyway great poem. Like a single tree on a frozen hard tundra. I like.
 — Charlie

I like this quite a bit. I dont think it should be a haiku, but it would work very well as a tanka (5-7-5-7-7) I assume that the title refers to the Chaos Theory, as it is quite similar to the basic law of Chaos Theory. It feels a bit jumbled and quick to me, I almost think that it could use more detail to get the idea across. Just my opinion though. Good luck on this, and Ill check back in a day or two. 8
 — ShelbyS

more of a word-sound rhythm poem than the meaning of the words--reminds me of Salvador Dali. It took me a few times to find this impression. Reminds me of a picture in Gray's Anatomy, heart- and roots. I don't understand the title, and I think that's the point- part of the entrainment. (C)
 — unknown

awesome, awesome...i love it. i need some new words.
 — sandwiches

You stole the title from "butterfly effect" didn't you? That was a damn good movie, I thought.
 — unknown

"You stole the title from "butterfly effect" didn't you? That was a damn good movie, I thought.
– unknown "

I hope to god you don't have kids.
 — Ananke

the title is not from butterfly effect, that movie was horrid. it's an common example of the chaos theory
 — vsradioflyer

love the title
 — tragicbubble

I feel like there should be more.
 — Cloudless

circle takes the square.
 — unknown

ill faded or ill faTed?  i think you meant the latter
 — unknown

0.34s