poetry critical

online poetry workshop



ascent
stout

it happens
 1
when you fall
 2
 
 
sliding on slow
 3
fumes
 4
of cold and hard
 5
hitting
 6
 
 
use available tools
 7
 
 
slice away eyelids
 8

16 Jul 12

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Comments:

last line caught me dead.

nice poem.
 — varun

some might say replace 'sliding' with 'playing' or something in that regards
as you already mentioned 'fall'  in L2

i think it works as is, but could go either way. i usually back up an action with more of the same action in my poetry too. it's like we need to visualize exactly what is happening. i like it! :)
 — mandolyn

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