poetry critical

online poetry workshop


it happens
when you fall
sliding on slow
of cold and hard
use available tools
slice away eyelids

16 Jul 12

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last line caught me dead.

nice poem.
 — varun

some might say replace 'sliding' with 'playing' or something in that regards
as you already mentioned 'fall'  in L2

i think it works as is, but could go either way. i usually back up an action with more of the same action in my poetry too. it's like we need to visualize exactly what is happening. i like it! :)
 — mandolyn