poetry critical

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then you start paying an ex-girlfriend for blow-jobs

started as a half-joke
over texts:
i'm using you -
we've established
that redundancy
over the last year -
it only seems fair."
plus she's struggling to make it
with a kid
and getting her cna.
only reason she agreed
is because
she still thinks someday
she's going to suck my heart out of there
instead of another
mouthful of jizz.
i know better
tell her so repeatedly
but when you
enter a woman's heart
through the front door
you can drive her
off a cliff
if you choose to do so.
standing in line
to buy a newspaper
i contemplate
this new
personal nadir.
cash back?
asks the clerk
as i hand her
my debit card.
twenty dollars

20 Jul 12

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
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LOVE this... can relate with the sentiments given here.
I would only say, use proper CAPitalization where needed (you aren't ee cummings, after all) and don't start a sentence with 'but' (line 21).  Great job!
 — aforbing

This is tops and it blows me away....pun intended

Larry love for sale Lark
 — larrylark

Knock out brill.
 — cassell

author reveal yourself?
well written indeed.
 — unknown

hahahahahahaha!  That ending is hilarious!  This is so real and raw.  
 — Isabelle5

Love this.  Honest and genuine with just the right touch of humor.  Really well done.  
 — sybarite

I love this.
 — dannyprice

wow. great piece you got here.
 — suedehead

this is so funny.
 — muherrera

 — lucion

What ends up on the top-sellers list in this piss palace -- never amazes me.
Not that it isn't well written with the whole jizz line and the heart off the cliff thing.

But bOi dontcha know that last line bout the $20 back was just Killer!
 — unknown

stop your whining, Unk, and try to write some poetry. or is that a bit beyond you and thats why you come on here to bitch?
 — unknown