poetry critical

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all that love

if i
believe in you,
what's the point
of sartre or proust? --
all those words,
i've never heard
you say.
if i bump into your dream,
that's the point
of be and seem:
all these moves
i move alone on you.
          when we are dancing in the dark,
          i can see you gleaming; wonder how
          the sun can live, jealous
          of your beaming?
wish i knew why you
are such a wonder...
all that love i float above
with you.

30 Aug 12

Rated 6.7 (5.8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 9, 10
Inactive (10): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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this is supposed to be a song lyric from maybe 1929.
 — cadmium

except sartre weren't but a wee lad then, and nobody in america really knew about proust till much later...
 — cadmium

surprised this is you. refreshing. don't lecture me about getting it or not.
 — Ananke

thanks, glad you like it. i've actually been writing and posting this kind of lyric here for years... sometimes, just in a comments, to show how the old-time lyric writers could carry non-rational meaning through lyric melodic writing. also, maybe to show the word-swap and how that energizes a piece like this. it's not talked about much, but writers like pound and stevens knew pop music thoroughly and were very influneced by clever and magical show tunes.
 — cadmium

"Your writing beckons flavor and texture, not 2 mention variety..." -- starr
 — cadmium

this one does have the flavor, doesn't it, starr? i can see where you'd be envious, but don't be.
 — cadmium

"this one does have the flavor, doesn't it, starr? i can see where you'd be envious, but don't be"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

Don't flatter yourself.  I'm not jealous of anybody, especially not YOU.  And though the poem possesses flavor, texture and variety, it doesn't make it a masterpiece by ANY means.  I, on the other hand, write MASTERpieces.
 — starr

let dead dogs lie quietly, starr.
this dead dog has been dead for years, it just didnt know it yet.
 — unknown

I'll drink to THAT (raising my glass!)  
 — starr

disco remix
 — cadmium

i like 9-13
 — mandolyn

over lamer's head,
i am yours
instead. waiting for the day
when you are mine.

where shadows melt,
like lemon drops
away above
the bovine flops --
and little stars.

over stated threads,
you comment on me,
so beyond me,
your clever twists --

and, when we're
dancing at the disco
on the tie-tie tannanic,
i'll be wistful
for the memory
of your bogus
smarmy lip.
 — cadmium

all that shit
by cadmium
 — unknown

"over lamer's head,
i am yours
instead. waiting for the day
when you are mine."

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"i'll be wistful
for the memory
of your bogus
smarmy lip."

what a load of shit
 — unknown

Love poems usually sucks, but this one the admiration seems..sincere. I enjoyed the read. The structure is perfect.
My fav. is the first stanza. whats the point of sartre or proust? I giggled.  
 — bfitzgerald

thanks, bfitz -- it's actually a replica of some love song from the 1920's -- i can hear a possible melody in my head -- slowish, and smooth. i think it works because it's got that syncopation of symbol that people really liked back then -- the way your head gets turned around a little. if it seems sincere, it's because i believe in love, not that it was written to anyone i know who'd want it.
 — cadmium

though a piece of shit is an expression of the body, a body of god, thus this shit is damn godly
 — DeformedLion

word change
 — cadmium

lots of neat ads on this comment section, so i thought someone might want a new handbag or something and my poetry would actually do something for the world, instead of sitting there, playing dumb.
 — cadmium

just tuning in.
 — cadmium

bad bad bad...why should i get past the first paragraph?
 — hank

cause you're a cock-sucker at heart, and this might be your story?
 — cadmium

it's bloody beautiful.
 — jenakajoffer

thanks, jen. it was a lot of fun to write. people maybe don't know that you can have fun writing, and just want to give something for free to the reader, without asking for pity or admiration or anything but a warm feeling.
 — cadmium

v-day 2016
 — cadmium

Beautiful, Happy Valentines Day Mike
 — jenakajoffer

wanted to hear a simple gift of a love song here, instead of all the narcissistic 'gimme-some sex if you love me' songs by teenagers over 25.
 — cadmium

stuck on play.
 — cadmium