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buckets full of bill
DeformedLion

there you were
 1
rimming my rain-
 2
bow
 3
 
 
legged, squatting over the equator
 4
with vim on the trigger finger and
 5
mouthing a little token eucalyptus
 6
leaf
 7
 
 
for the march back cold.
 8
 
 
i wanted to fast-forward the calendar,
 9
bake your throat into a pie,
 10
that fucking hurts right?
 11
 
 
forced into a field of burnt pastry
 12
and choking on all the sick dogs
 13
that i would stick in you,
 14
 
 
sly salt, sally.
 15
 
 
i thought you wanted me here.
 16
told me separation was just another word
 17
for love
 18
 
 
but my heart was already broken
 19
and the barn on the postcard
 20
looks kind of tender without the well.
 21
 
 
can smell the curds from here,
 22
remember the time you made me
 23
lick the gravy off the floor?
 24
cabanes à patates, pouting
 25
like a house of potato...
 26
when at midnight sometimes you would
 27
bathe me in the lake so i
 28
wouldn't wake the koi.
 29
 
 
too precious.
 30
sometimes you would stroke my nape,
 31
but your rings were cold and i would shrivel,
 32
think you lied then
 33
told me you were the only warmth,
 34
hot and heavy against the murmur of your chest,
 35
spilling seed on your knee socks.
 36
 
 
thought that the sun would curdle me
 37
so i stayed shut,
 38
took my teeth out and rolled them on the stone.
 39
 
 
it was a new spring once,
 40
little hopped up rabbits,
 41
a buzz, a brush of honey
 42
over the sky-
 43
little flowers sipping at your ear.
 44
 
 
on the fresh morning,
 45
after the cow was squeezed
 46
and you have leaked me
 47
 
 
dried milk,
 48
leaves and red rainbows
 49
swimming pleasant
 50
into the past
 51
 
 
left the sick of us
 52
to dangle
 53
 
 
in an anthill.
 54
fuck australia,
 55
shit on it.
 56
 
 
the bucket is the only home i want to be.
 57
 
 
that's what i call love
 58

13 Oct 12

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Comments:

you KILL me!

aghhhhhhhhh!  spilling seed on your knee-socks. ACE!!!

it's taken some time for me to recover.  i will return after a long cigarette and maybe some yellowtail or something.

there are some wicked things here, lino, and a few small tweakables i'd like to mention (which you will ignore.  :)
 — jenakajoffer

i love the wordplay in lines 2-4, sweet.  
line 11, ouch, man that was cut-throat!  i like all the poem, the moves and the surprises were a total rush, so colourful, i picked up on all the subtleties :)

a few tweakers mostly to omit articles and tighten, so like, the 'and' at the end of line 5 could be omitted for a comma.  
you've got the hyphen in fast-forward to keep me reading sharply, but i think you might need it for trigger-finger too... and maybe hopped-up, whatever.

line 14, might take out 'that' and just have 'sick dogs/i would stick in you (brilliant btw).
can't believe you mentioned the koi, hahahaha, cleverrrrrrrrrr (and sneaky).
funny about anthills, that's new, and line55, woah. ;)

great poem, retaliation at its finest.
 — jenakajoffer

buckets full

or

bucketful

that is the question. they offer very different meanings, don't they?
just put that out for thought's sake.  and we all need more thoughts, don't we?

sally
:D
 — jenakajoffer

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