poetry critical

online poetry workshop



apple-snake iq laughs, frac
unknown

a first nano bite, minute but  served its purpose
 1
of yum, nothing complex
 2
a universal function in sweet-sour taste;
 3
second was regress
 4
when it shuffled just like that, n times;
 5
there were a few others coming,
 6
but the same potato of storage, music & stuff.
 7
 
 
when you get hold of mac -
 8
could be stupefying, a genius
 9
you'll forget a definition of quit on panic attacks
 10
as would a simultaneous slap
 11
of a lover pronouncing imbecile in the face
 12
 
 
but i will never touch
 13
i phone -
 14
except made in china
 15
i can always try if you call me tho
 16
maybe
 17

15 Jan 13

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Comments:

this is weird but i'm hearing a voice so please speak up
 — unknown

gneiss.

; )
 — fractalcore

thanks. i thought this deserves critiquing.
 — unknown

well, i've just started reading around here
after so long, trying to find my footing again.
this has a feeling of privacy to it that i can
appreciate. the cadence is trivial but ok like
the technicality this is drenched in. you can
remove the [] around the d.

could be a kick-ass prelude to a romantic sci-fi.
:p
 — fractalcore

you were so keen, tnx. my head trying to justify the need of 'shuffle' but reading it again made me see the rest did not identify any specifically.
i learned coherence from you today.
 — unknown

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