poetry critical

online poetry workshop

they met in a confession room

we are imperfect.

behind locked doors
both minister and sister
share their last
adulterated cheroot
wrapped in profane
Manila paper,
and cloaked in sacred
Venetian drapes
they speak of forbidden love-
half truths and half lies,
while Sunday pew warmers
gather reluctantly
to receive the Truth
that would set them free.

16 May 04

Rated 8.5 (7.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 9
Inactive (7): 1, 1, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10

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(21 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

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Oh, I like it. I don't know why, exactly, but I do like it.
 — Rixes

I love this, especially the introduction. However, I have to say that I dont like L15. I think it forces implied idea a bit too much, and this should be inferred onto the reader. I believe that saying it outright makes one lose any idea that they could have had to the contrary, and I think this to be bad form in poetry unless only one idea can be taken to it. Even then, let people think what they want. Its kicking a dead dog, it doesnt serve a complete purpose, it only drives in something that already should be there. I do like this a lot, the idea of it and the images that it conjures up. All very very good. L5-6 stand out as my favorites. I give this poem a eight.
 — ShelbyS

thanks for the comments(and the ratings :]) i understand you ShelbyS. But what if my reader doesn't get it? what if he/she takes it in a different way if the last line weren't inserted? i'm really very "raw" to poetry writing, so i really need to be corrected. what if my intended direction for the poem isn't well... taken by the reader? then i would feel that i didn't accomplish what i set out to do. do you understand me?
 — mrkhoo

i liked this poem instantly - the complicity of the relationship is conveyed really well and your use of language is by and large powerful and arresting -I would agree with Shelby about the last line - the reader will get it - that's the challenge you're setting them. A word of advice - good poetry never spells out exactly what it means.
 — opal

Fantastically good poem. I agree it doesn't need the last line. Says a lot through economical means.
 — larrylark

Ditto, all of the above comments. I like this.
 — Cella

thanks for all the comments and ratings. i'll change the last line then. maybe i'll add it in the future when i figure out how to convey it in a better way. and again, thanks. :)
 — unknown

oh and if anyone's wondering after this. the last line was:

free for at least another week.

maybe i need a more indirect line...
 — mrkhoo

ur first stanza's great. 2nd stanza... less great. but none the less... great :)
 — unknown

ehe, nice one. i alwiz wanted to do a nun and pastor senario. this turned out great/
 — unknown

Awesome. sounds like the nun is receiving something else ehh? wink wink nudge nudge . . . . God I hate my life
 — InMyBlood

haha, sounds like she could be. :P
 — unknown

of course she is you 'tards.
 — unknown

'tards? what's that mean?
 — unknown

hmmm, what are tards'? were you tryin to say retards?
 — mrkhoo

 — unknown

stop with the "retards"
 — unknown

hohoho, this is good! L10 is a lil crappy. first stanza was great! :)
 — unknown

No idea why I never commented on this poem before, but... anyway. Great one, mrkhoo! I like l11-14. Its so apt. No, wait. I like the whole thing! You described the hypocrisy well, I really like it. =]
 — nickiblitz

hoho, heavenly goodness! loved this work of art.
 — unknown

that good
 — unknown

This is excellent. I instantly loved it. Very immediate and with a sense of unity. Well done.

 — unknown

This is a vivid portrayal of the confessional . It has real style,class and elan.
 — larrylark

b-b-b-ut  isn't every utterance at best only partially true? And whose truth? And usually bodies don't lie. I appreciate how this poem unsettles me.
 — borntodance

i like the poem but could I jump out of an aeroplane with it strapped to my back and still hope to survive?
 — Meep

Yes, you can.
 — mrkhoo

Aren't half truths the same as half lies?
 — unknown