poetry critical

online poetry workshop


If there was a metaphor for the reason our love was doomed from the start,
it would be the story of noah's ark
Every animal has their own pair, but I was the foolish lion
that was watching the beautiful gazelle that was standing over there.
Forbidden and unattainable, made you all the more desirable
The more I stalked you from a distance you seemed more lovable.
I decided to needed to have this pretty little gazelle
at first I wasn't going to devour your gentleness
but the softness in your eyes became my greatest weakness.
And as any lion would do. I destroyed you and my pretty little gazelle wasn't so pretty anymore.

7 Aug 13

Rated 4 (4) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (0): 4, 4

(define the words in this poem)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


The story of Noah's Ark is not a metaphor.
 — unknown

"I decided to needed to have this pretty little gazelle" this line confuses me and i think you should scrap the Noah's Ark part cause it doesnt really make sense with the rest of the poem and made me wonder when you were going to relate back to it but you never do. I would also suggest changing the title; Sylvia Plath has a wonderful poem called Metaphors so maybe it would be best to call yours something else so people arent comparing yours to hers right off the bat.

Just some suggestions, good luck :)
 — Awarichards