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Like the Exorcist But with More Breakdancing
9

I'm standing in a Whole Foods parking lot in Reno, Nevada
 1
bleeding handsomely from a wound on my forehead.
 2
Hit with a decent sized rock -
 3
a Marine back from Iraq whose war against other
 4
isn't quite over yet.
 5
48 ounces of Mountain Dew in my system
 6
and a few too many Disco Biscuits doesn't help to stem the flow.
 7
So, I let it run down my face and into my beard,
 8
wondering if the weeping Madonna looked half as magnificent.
 9
 
 
I enter the store, pick through expensive cheeses
 10
and circle the olive bar a few times, all the while
 11
dripping blood and receiving stares of confusion and disapproval
 12
from pseudo-intellectual women
 13
and dudes wearing The North Face puffy jackets.
 14
But the usual derision isn't just because of my matted hair,
 15
foul odor, and primitive eyes  
 16
(that I know are almost entirely pupils right about now).
 17
People hate dirt, the way the religious hate themselves.
 18
People hate blood even more,
 19
the way a drug addict hates his addiction.
 20
 
 
I buy a Ginger Brew and a triangle of Bulgarian Brie,
 21
take my supper to one of the tables up front
 22
and watch a grey sky without any hope in it
 23
churn through a spotless window.
 24
I think about Cool Hand Luke staying in the ring with Dragline
 25
until almost all the light's gone out of the sky.
 26
A woman is bagging groceries as her daughter
 27
clings to her dress and stares at me curiously.
 28
She smiles and waves. I wave and smile back,
 29
then work on wiping the blood from my face.
 30
In the parking lot a black man is breakdancing
 31
on a large piece of cardboard.
 32
He removes his shirt,
 33
wipes the sweat from the back of his neck with it
 34
and notices me staring at him.
 35
I give him the sign of the cross and he throws his head back and laughs.
 36
'Watch this shit,' he shouts.
 37
And I do.
 38

30 Aug 13

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Comments:

love the changes you made, especially the end.

the food choice in this one is pretty funny. i love that the character buys that instead of jerky or chips.

L21, did you mean 'the way a pig hates not being in shit?'
love 19-21
love it all

well done, doppleganger, well done. :)
 — mandolyn

Nice one dude.
 — onklcrispy

This is better than the best and truly epic and inspirational...makes me want to pick up a biro and attempt something that will come out half as good but won't
 — larrylark

You kind, beautiful people... thank you for coming to see me.
 — 9

haha this has so many great lines, great altogether too!
 — mr_e

^^ lol, that was lame
 — mandolyn

^yeah kindness sucks.
 — unknown

^ it sounded pretentious
 — mandolyn

If you have never read the short stories of Annie Proulx, you should.  Your writing reminds me of her, one of my favorite authors.  You catch me off guard every time but you manage to make it all make sense.  Perhaps shorts stories is your real venue.
 — Isabelle5

^Thank you Isabelle.
I haven't heard of her but will look her up right now.

I didn't see you at the pier :(
 — 9

Im too drunk to decifer this. hell man im sure its great
 — yield

disco biscuits, the black man breakdancing on cardboard, devil's sign.. haha that's all very good, made me smile.

um, pigs don't like being in shit, they're actually quite clean animals as far as shitting goes. take out 'not'? not that i care if it's 'correct', nobody does. ;)

was hoping for more of an ending with this 'and i do' because i'm a big fan of that sort of thing, written like that a few times, but this is sort of 'who cares', like you watched him, is it engaging, is it important?  seems not really.

but anyway, i enjoyed the poem a lot, good writing is good to read. thanks :)
 — jenakajoffer

^Thanks for the visit. I do care if it's 'correct'.
Hmm gonna need something else there,
thanks for pointing that out. Good to know :)
 — 9

'hate not being' wasn't so smooth anyway ;)
 — jenakajoffer

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