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inhale
unknown

when hundreds of children arrived
 1
we shared oxygen masks in shifts
 2
and told them to inhale
 3
while we wiped their secretions
 4
and sang their favorite lullabies.
 5
 
 
 
 
 
 
There was no oxygen.
 6



syria

22 Sep 13

Rated 9 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 9

(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

The ending doesn't hit as hard as it should because we already know they're going to die from the first line.
 — thechosenone

Who said they died
 — unknown

1-5 is great, but the ending could be much better.
 — mandolyn

assad approved
 — unknown

The second oxygen isn't needed, I don't think, not only does it repeat but it contradicts the contents of line 3.

I'm no fan of punchline poems, but if they're done right they can be effective.

I have to say this punchline is weak and misses the jaw.

This poem works well on its own, but probably needs some sort of punchline to carry the message to a conclusion.
 — jenn

Breathe
 — unknown

Dam
 — unknown

This versions better I like the fixes to the beginning.
 — thechosenone

breaking baaaaaaaaaaaaa
 — unknown

Damn
 — unknown

Syriana
 — unknown

Hmm, I don't agree. I like line 6. Maybe it was missing before?
 — PatriciaSan

I like the whole poem.
 — PatriciaSan

woke me up
 — unknown

f##@
 — unknown

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