poetry critical

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Impossible Things
9

I'm trying to reach a booger
 1
in the depths of my nostril with a pinky finger
 2
when I hear my 'name' being called.
 3
I told the guy it was Full of Shit -
 4
a moniker I have long aspired too.
 5
I bring my pizza to a booth near the back
 6
by the restrooms and the video games,
 7
play four dollars' worth of Donkey Kong
 8
and realize I'll probably never rescue the princess.
 9
 
 
An impossibly fat girl with terrified eyes
 10
and an unholy amount of acne
 11
arrives with a pitcher of Coors Light.
 12
I read her name tag and ask Lily to sit with me.
 13
She says her break isn't for a few more hours.
 14
I take that as a yes, find the manager
 15
and let him know Lily will be taking her lunch early.
 16
We share the pizza, drink the beer
 17
and ignore our loneliness together.
 18
 
 
She stands and thanks me for the company,
 19
leans over and kisses me softly on the forehead.
 20
I tell her I'll be back tomorrow.
 21
She returns to the kitchen
 22
and I watch the stars bloom though a window,
 23
close off a nostril with my thumb
 24
and blow those hard to reach crusties
 25
out of the other.
 26

27 Sep 13

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10, 10
Inactive (6): 4, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

When you write it's fluid .. like thick, rich, sweet goo .. it's consistent in form and motive and fills every crack and gap in the blank page.

But there are always sharp and glittering bits of broken beauty in the goo, catching the eye to fascinate, almost like an urge, and it must be satisfied.

The form  is short prose, beginning, middle and end, but what lifts this into poetry is the self awareness of every word, every naked thought, every line and break being exactly where it should be.

That is an actual talent.

A very good read, with some outstanding lines. 9 to 22 in particular.
 — jenn

The booger parts are all so true too :)
 — jenn

You look closely at 'things' don't you jenn.
Thank you for that, and for your kind, intelligent words to me.
I like it when you read my poems.
 — 9

Damn! Another 10! One of these days I'm going to give you a 3 or a 4, just to keep you in your place. :)

Ls 9 & 10 and the entire last stanza still have me chuckling. I'm betting that in all the centuries of poetry, no one has ever picked the common booger (pun intended) as an opening line. Love the way the poem begins with the pinky and ends with the thumb. Poetically speaking, you dealt us a nice hand there, my friend.
 — clupeidae

lol!!
this is so awesome.
at first i thought yield wrote it because the opening is so him.

man, i want to hang out with you.
 — mandolyn

hey! you deleted the other! :(
 — mandolyn

Yep, 9, 'looking closely at things' is not only part of the work I take part in, but has been a 'thing' I've always done. I'm a devotee of fractal/chaos mathematics and cybernetic and robotic systems, in general, and I'm an awful pedantic sophist at times :)
 — jenn

clupeidae - 3 is probably the more accurate.
Thanks for your time and confidence. When's your next poem up?

mandolyn - Glad I could entertain you a bit :)
Yes, I pulled the trigger on the other one - put it out its misery.

jenn - I find your precise mind and clarity admirable and attractive.
 — 9

LOL. This is my kind of poetry. Hell, it's my life, excluding Donkey Kong. I'd be at the pool table with a bunch of Donkeys, but wishing I was in the arcade. Nice job.
 — yield

This is so graphic .reminds me of those all alone people surrounded by the city in those Edward Hopper paintings
 — larrylark

Thank you both. Glad I mirrored your life yield.
L18 is the poem for me.
 — 9

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 — unknown

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 — unknown

"and ignore our loneliness together" -yes, that is the poem.
this is seriously one of the best things i have ever read.
i had to come back to it.
anything with humility, humor and meaning is the bombdiggity of all digs.
 — mandolyn

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