|FROM THE MOODY BANKS OF THE WHISKERS
ayes the spell'unks with the lights ouch --
silent as the lateral waves unexplained;
padded with rock-hard turbulence,
knees the karst like karts to neverwhere...
hands- and foot-prints engrave themselves
deep in the walls of lime,
the chandelier drips with futuristic red acid,
acrid with yesterdays:
stones skipping pointed holes in time.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
26 Nov 13
Rated 9 (9.7) by 1 users.
Inactive (2): 9, 10, 10
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nice, heavy poem. maybe omit a few words?
like "with futuristic" in 7 and "pointed" in 9?
hope you don't mind the suggestions.
consummate for my taste. s1 delivers it strong a palpable spelunking theme. the rest is universal as the hashtag implies it, though doesn't work here on poetry critical site. i suppose this gets to #blackswan community (hoping it turns blue :))
i know it will not turn blue but tried it anyway...line 4 saturates with k. why not try knowhere in lieu of neverwhere..i need not reiterate this is perfect as it is.
i'm faving this, fractalcore. you got poetry reserve in your name - a genius, you are.
you really got me with 'trans(E)missions from my tEnt'. your muse must be a poet too. :>)
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