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TVLAND (Brought to You in Living Color)
mrkhoo

I.
 1
 
 
LIFE is like a monochrome TV set
 2
               black&white,
 3
 
 
where everyone’s forgiving
 4
always carving
 5
           drawing
 6
           forging fabricated smiles of make-believe.
 7
 
 
II.
 8
 
 
watching sing-song reruns
 9
   repeat threadbare repartee,
 10
plodding through prosaic photoplay
 11
   of grey smiles and MUTEd apathy,
 12
 
 
she is (like my color set)
 13
always casting
 14
           displaying
 15
           simulating sensations of red&green&blue.
 16
 
 
our signals grow stronger--
 17
 
 
between
 18
a satellite
 19
and
 20
its cord----
 21
               ----ial aerial,
 22
 
 
of tender conductors
 23
who has never regretted
 24
getting cable.
 25

28 May 04

Rated 8 (7.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 7, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(21 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

It's fairly good, don't get me wrong, but the point seems a little hard to figure. Yet, I like the relation between mercy and the black & white television. Just try to clarify your basic idea a bit more.
 — FangzOfFire

you're right fangz. i rushed this poem, i should have invested more feelings into it. revised for your reading pleasure.
 — mrkhoo

Lines 1-6 are great, they really wrapped the reader in. However, somewhere in the middle of lines 7-10 I feel you lose focus and that carries out until the poem's rather tepid end.
 — Rixes

wrap*
 — Rixes

thank you Rixes for all your advice and time.
 — unknown

I like this revision. However, the poem could still use a bit of kick at the end, I would say and also I like the previous title, but this also would work. I will rate your poem now and I think I'll rate it an 8.
 — Rixes

Your lucky to have a TV.I n my shack in the wild outback of Lancashire England i can't even afford the bus fare to the nearest house so i can knock on the the door and ask if i can come in to watch my favourite programme,Poetry Review,where smary assed bastards make totally fatuous comments about verse.
 — larrylark

my previous title was
mercy is like a monochrome TV set

and Rixes, thank you so much!

as for larrylark, that's erm nice of you to share your life with me. interesting really, i never knew there was a programme called Poetry Review.
 — mrkhoo

and this is work in progress, so more comments are deeply appreciated. and favoured.
 — mrkhoo

i seriously like what i wrote here. i hope i can get more critique on this.
 — mrkhoo

You obviously ,like myself ,don;t watch too much TV,sorry for the snippet of my life ,sometimes i just feel compelled to share an exciting snippet with someone ,anyone, presuming of course that you are out there and that this is not all an illusion
 — larrylark

no, personally, i actually liked that. i dunno but there's something bout that little "snippet" which came across to me as an interesting subject.

mrkhoo
 — unknown

I like the first verse very much. l9-12 are catchy, and i rather like l13-16. But the rest....well, it fails to garner much attention. On the whole, i like the concept of this poem, its original and your writing is excellent. Just, you know, the bit at the bottom that sort of SLIDES. You did a good job, anyhow. =] I rate this a 7.
 — nickiblitz

small edit.
 — mrkhoo

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