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esoteric fallacy
Amaranta

i am beauty undressed
 1
ten clavicles
 2
off sensual flights
 3
working its optimum --
 4
unheard voices
 5
channel,
 6
scatter my neural exploration
 7
onto heights awaiting
 8
consummating cells
 9
finding halt
 10

19 Aug 14

Rated 10 (9.5) by 1 users.
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Comments:

I like this.  "I am beauty undressed" is a great opening line.

Is line 3 supposed to be "off sensual flights" or "of sensual flights?"  I suppose either works, but the latter makes more sense to me.  

Line 4:  What are working, the sensual flights, or the ten clavicles?  In either case, I think it should be "working their optimum"

Overall, very intriguing.
 — shaffer

i prefer off; clavicles are wings to a flight, thus, it works optimum. i added another line, if you don't mind critiquing again, shaffer. thanks, for the feedback. poetry happens in a split second no matter how i create much. and, i usually lose it to my new device lately. i'm learning my lesson to put it as a note instead of a direct input here.
 — unknown

I like the wordiness of this such as clavicles, optimum and neural but I need more meat in my pudding if that makes any sense but still the opening line is really alluring..
 — brother_sun

i am considering your suggestions, brother_sun. or make a new one. thanks.
 — unknown

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