I like this. "I am beauty undressed" is a great opening line.
Is line 3 supposed to be "off sensual flights" or "of sensual flights?" I suppose either works, but the latter makes more sense to me.
Line 4: What are working, the sensual flights, or the ten clavicles? In either case, I think it should be "working their optimum"
Overall, very intriguing.
i prefer off; clavicles are wings to a flight, thus, it works optimum. i added another line, if you don't mind critiquing again, shaffer. thanks, for the feedback. poetry happens in a split second no matter how i create much. and, i usually lose it to my new device lately. i'm learning my lesson to put it as a note instead of a direct input here.
I like the wordiness of this such as clavicles, optimum and neural but I need more meat in my pudding if that makes any sense but still the opening line is really alluring..
i am considering your suggestions, brother_sun. or make a new one. thanks.