poetry critical

online poetry workshop



DISSin' DUHt
fractalcore

all this yoga and all that jazz
 1
culminate in symmetry.
 2
 
 
strings attached or not,
 3
doppelgangers roundabout,
 4
rock bottom rock-solid.
 5
 
 
E8? he ate wholly
 6
with a figure 8 reclined,
 7
no longer undefined,
 8
save for proximity.
 9
 
 
kwats!?
 10
 
 
nuts!
 11




here's my excuse:
i'm pretty rusty from not being in-touch
with my inner voice or from being
dishonest at the tip of the pen.

this piece in particular reeks of 'prose' all over
and feels detached/alienated/empty.

please, critique me as harshly as you
can to bring me back to life.

teach me how to write right.

:\

6 May 15

Rated 9.5 (8.6) by 2 users.
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Inactive (5): 1, 7, 7, 10, 10

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(204 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Strong comeback, interesting imagery
 — larrylark

*i'd like to be harsh as needed.
your poetry is either on its zenith state or your conciousnes is. you don't want this to go stale, do you?
— unknown        
 — unknown

i just had the craziest 6 month dream...
 — mandolyn

try ( gotta add an intro or isabelle will delete my crit-poem )

yoga and jazz
culminate in symmetry --

plucked
strings in symphony,
buddah and beasties.

double-nut, dopper gangs,
eat my confession.

second-rate hollyboy
raped my repression.

... something where you're making a song enough that you get out of prosing. then, just singing that song where ever it goes for you.
 — cadmium

bump
 — cadmium

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