poetry critical

online poetry workshop

you and me, idiot

what shall I do with a drunk--
put him in a boat?
any idiot can row,
but can he dive, can he porpoise?
you can be a genius
when you want me that badly.
your advert said
"without you I'm a dormant volcano"
but you are an idiot;
you sunk a ship called everything,
crashed down and buried me.
turns out I loved you
even though all your angles
collapsed into a point,
and my point is
if I was a magician
and told you to watch closely,
you'd close your eyes and disappear
and I would say,
fuck you and the boat you rowed in on,
which is just another way of saying
come back.

18 May 15

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good academic quality modern poetry -- like ashbery or some bastard of phil levine. now, you just need a vocabulary and some rhythm.

for now, i have to say that i really hate the fake-out way modern poetry has broken and then rejoined a paragraph with a comma and a drop down.

did you learn this in class -- did your professor make you lighten up your prose by breaking it?

curious. if i were a magician and told you to write slowly, you'd close your mind and switch on your mobile.
 — cadmium

Nothing academic about it, dad.
 — jenakajoffer

This makes me ache a little.  Even if you could tell it, some lovers cannot hear it or even begin to figure out what they have done.  Last two lines...
 — Isabelle5

Jenn, good to see you here.  Either you haven't been or I've missed your poems.
 — Isabelle5

it's very academic, jen. really surprised me when i 10'd it and saw it was yours. it's so much like all the 1950 post writing -- the archness and almost supercilious voicing, and the way the paragraph is artificially broken -- pretty much a signature technique now.
 — cadmium

I've read these before, I think. Are they reposts?
 — PollyReg

I don't know squat about the 50's poetry era. Call it what you like. Don't care. But appreciate the comment just the same.

Have t missed anything Isabelle, just haven't been here.

Hey Polly, repost it is. Orange is new tho.
 — jenakajoffer

Love it.
 — Haxxen

 — anastasiya

jen, the problem with people who don't really give a damn about poetry, but want their own poetry read, is that they just clone what they think a poem is supposed to sound like -- haven't you thought this out already? that you're writing totally inside the square box of 'meaningful because i say it is' poetry -- that it's such weak writing -- that you're not looking at yourself, just at how the buttons are working on the people you must really think are stupid enough to take you at your word -- 'this is poetry because i felt it'.

you have this one chance in life to be real, and this other chance to be a bar troll. when have any of us been real in these plastic situations where we're buying and selling ourselves to some haircut?
 — cadmium

I really like your, "Collapsed to a point," remark, but your actions are inconsiquential in the poem.
 — percocet

and I am drunk, but I beleive that line 4 should say, "purpose?"
 — percocet

You are better than this.
 — OldShoe

Have written.  Better.
 — OldShoe

Totally, Old Shoe. The porpoise of this was to regurgitate it simply to make myself laugh.

Hi old sock, much love xox
 — jenakajoffer

Percocet, think of porpoises leaping up out of the water, over and over.  That's porpoising.  
 — unknown

maybe this is a safe one to launch from.. Read some of your stuff Jenakajoffer, and I like it. Compliments.
 — sixtywatt

Hey sixty, this must've been awhile ago. Thanks for liking my stuff! I deleted so much over the years I forgot what I had here. Cheers and thanks again.
 — jenakajoffer

This is me, in a nutshell

This is me cracked open
 — Known

im sorry you can relate.
 — jenakajoffer