poetry critical

online poetry workshop



she screamed my poems are my children
unknown

to which I replied:
 1
if that's the case then you
 2
have at least a thousand
 3
half of which are orphaned
 4
one third are in the trash
 5
and the rest have been
 6
aborted.
 7

24 May 15

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (2): 7, 9

(define the words in this poem)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Based on the interesting title, I had hoped for much more. Instead, the poem is very one-dimensional. It's a simple metaphor that doesn't really go anywhere. I would've liked to see a lot more done with this piece.
 — Inuki

That's it?  This sounds more like a mean response on the threads than a poem.  Can you do more with this?  I do like the title but the poem doesn't live up to it.
 — Isabelle5

nicely worded, i like flowing down the text in this, like on a slide. good strong ending, the sound of the word and its meaning make a strong brake on the poem.

this is what poetry can do when it's free of conventional restraints and capitalist grammars. ( well, office memo grammar, anyway. )
 — cadmium

Bs
 — unknown

Yuk
 — unknown

what about the others
 — unknown

dunno
 — unknown

What if I say I'm not like the others
What if I say I'm not another one of your plays,
you're the pretender!
What if I say I will never surrender?!
 — unknown

still, yes, so good and funny.
 — cadmium

xx
 — unknown

mami
 — unknown

Words have feelings
 — unknown

10
 — viscera

isabelle's right, though -- it could be a stronger poem... we've got all this ISIS crap since this was written, and we're more open to honesty. this kind of daintily says that 'she' is a loser, but doesn't really show why.
 — cadmium

EEEk, harsh and I am still waiting for you to say something... maybe too short!?!
 — aforbing

Yeaa
 — unknown

Mami
 — unknown

stilll gd
 — unknown

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