poetry critical : poem

shamisen shamisen, shame on you

i was born a raised liar,	1
grilled chicken strip for a tongue	2
and chewing tobacco for teeth,	3
taking the stars out of the sky	4
one at a time to give myself	5
some semblance of control over	6
the ceaseless waves of mediocrity;	7

i was taken in by deceit	8
at an early stage, saw the gray as	9
black and white, not much else -	10
it was a deafening conclusion to	11
the settling of the storm inside my	12
chest cavity where a lung or two	13
should go, instead there were only	14
the endless rows of corn stalks;	15

i was given the world by tricksters	16
as a present for my accomplishments	17
in the war of reason, took the world	18
and gave it to myself in the mirror,	19
not the I in the bedroom at three in	20
the morning, but the I that exists outside	21
of space-time complexities, the I that	22
lives to lie to self to others to selflessness;	23

I	24

exist only to	25

live in the waves	26

of logicality not	27

to breath in and	28

breath out the tar	29

stained pits of my	30

eye sockets and	31

unlike	32

I,	33

i live to yearn for	34
the touch of convex	35
curves and	36

not much else.	37

17 Jun 15

Rated 10 (9.5) by 3 users.

Active (3): 10, 10
Inactive (5): 5, 7, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(152 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

allow me a keatsian reaction to this poem: wow! awesome! (spontaneous overflow of emotion at the brilliance of your poem)
— anastasiya

I have just given this poem 5 points. The current heading is wrong
— unknown

ie 10 points by 4 voters. I am no 5 votet and I want justice
— unknown

you're illiterate in english so your vote doesn't count.
— cadmium

^ lol

As for this poem, it's great. It carries an ease and suppression and is crafted very well. The language is a little boring, not too many exciting moments but it finds a certain peace in that that is alluring. Well done.

Thanks for the read.

10 from me
— unknown

Quite breathtakingly excellent
— larrylark

No middle name for you this time, Larry?

I must have truly taken your breath away. :)
— ARedLetter

Freakin' aMAZING from start 2 FINISH! Great writing, great job! :-)
— starr

love the images in the poem and of the poem --- "saw the gray as black and white;" "the settling of the storm inside my chest cavity," "to breathe in and out the tar stained pits of my eye sockets." they are ordinary words but carry deep impressions.
— memelover

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