poetry critical

online poetry workshop

mojave thought

this mind's a desert
i've lost the mojave thought-
you distract
all my cranial capacity
as you occupy and cloud
the space in between
at a loss, or lost neurons
finding a home;
deliberate subconscious
you don't have to pay rent
in the wild

28 Jun 15

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 — unknown

i like it when you don't know if you're going to make it, can't feel like you can make another step. get naked, but then there's always some god damned off-roader stinking up the world and laughing at you -- which makes the desert seem like a parking lot in one of those cheap apartments full of t.v.s and crack consumers.

good place for nuke tests.
 — cadmium

i ♥ the mojave desert
 — mandolyn

thanks for the perspective.
 — unknown

death valley is so alive that anything actually alive there seems several times alive. but mojave as metaphor is apt.
 — cadmium

thank you.
 — unknown

L5 - "it" not "them."  Whether or not the pronoun modifies the subjects, "capacity" or "space," they're both singular.  

Also, some better use of white space would spread this out a little more and give it some extra body.  Finally, some slight punctuation wouldn't hurt.  I like it, but just needs to be shaped a little better.  I get the idea tho.  :-)
 — starr