poetry critical

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it will be a day without selfies

and on that day what will it be
will I be yellow and swollen
like a discarded fruit
or holding my breath in a self made dam
my membranes broken
will I be struck mute
left barking at the clocks and walls
or prey for a crooked sidewalk
will I be surrounded by visitors,
those who claim to know a layer of me
or those who have come to just claim
or will I be present but absent
slumped in a chair
dressed in drool and a confetti
of oat meal and grits

26 Jul 15

Rated 7 (7) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (0): 6, 8

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stewed prunes?
 — unknown

I really like this poem! It's very relevant to someone in my life right now so it hits home in many ways.

If I may share my thoughts:

Yellow/swollen/discarded fruit: yellow/shrunken discarded fruit..swollen or shrunken, both can work just wanted to throw that alternate image out there.

mute/stuck/barking: holed/barking at clocks
or will I pray for a crooked sidewalk?

or those who come to just claim?
Will I be found slumped in a chair....

Thanks! I hope you don't mind some feedback. I'm going to read this poem to my friend tonight, it's awesome.
 — jenakajoffer

Funi tittle
 — unknown

I am the last stanza.

Larry far away from the present Lark
 — larrylark

lol larr
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I'm coming to visit today, but I won't be claiming anything.
 — jenakajoffer

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the anti selfie
 — unknown

Fug omg
 — unknown