poetry critical

online poetry workshop



i'm the red-noosed rein, dear || A NUMB-BIRD M3TA-FoUR
fractalcore

you, unconscious at 12;
 1
me, frolicking at 13;
 2
@10-shun: wetty bird, witty bard,
 3
lockjawed at s[+]even-11.
 4
 
 
and, the 9-err lives on,
 5
an 8-her-null sleep-nut.
 6
 
 
∴ 1+1=1
 7




still trying to write my way back to life = still not knowing if i'm doing it right

∴ help me 'gawd', where 'gawd' = a [re]verb

:p

14 Aug 15

Rated 8.5 (9) by 2 users.
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Comments:

Your such a witty bird. Thanks for sharing your sudden urge despite its raw(r) allusion, playful enough not to go crazy.
 — unknown

*youre :p
 — unknown

piss off

love, white swan
 — unknown

hi fractalcore,

I never understand your mathematical poetry. It's beyond me. But just thought I would comment anyway because you only have unknowns thus far.

Boutiquey. That's what I would call it. If I was to have an opinion :-)
 — PollyReg

how does one differentiate one unk from another? they're like a differential inequality with too many unknowns, but thunks, anyway, unks.

your presence here has always been good fodder to the lurking mafia, which i often get affiliated with, what with the prevailing banter and static in the background.

:p
 — fractalcore

oh, and it's worth mentioning that there are some really-good pieces by unks here and there at times -- if only i had the luxury of time to lurk here, you know.

;)
 — fractalcore

hi there, Polly.

boutiquey? hmm, what's that? too much hair or fashion sense that i don't have? or, too many lizards croaking from an unknown ceiling?

thanks for stopping by.

:)
 — fractalcore

it's like


and then


but


so
 — mandolyn

so

but

and then

it's like

:p
 — fractalcore

I really enjoy when someone explores a new way to write poetry. And although I do not know what is going on in this poem(If it was explained to me I'd be able to appreciate it on a whole 'nother level) I still had fun reading it. Just as I'm sure you had fun writing it. At art school they tell us the most important thing, relative to all-else, is having fun when creating. If you lose that *OoOo Ahh* *spooky mentor's warning about "fun" 's integral role in art and the artist* *blah bliggity blah* *remember fun* *without fun you're incomplete as a creator* *OoO ahHh* *miscommunicated student projecting half payed-attention subjectivity* *crickets*

Lol. But yeah. This was really cool to read. My last question is if it's free-verse, because I don't feel like dissecting--super tired atm--plus, dissection would ruin the fun. I want to keep that first impression after-the-fact. Not my own idiotic analysis perverting your creation. Would rather hear it from you instead(if you have the time to even bother, no worries)
 — penandpaper

point of a workshop is to help get it together so that it can be shown or published elsewhere. that's the fun, sharing and talking with the author about how and why the poem got to be, and where it means and why.

playing with cool stylings, a poetry site for showing off your customized commercials, isn't critical.

an interesting thing to me is how the numbers are dealt with in the author's head? like, do you hear the numbers as words, and are we supposed to read them as soundless symbols? that's transcendental, like a magician producing a rabbit.
 — cadmium

"Select" might have been more what I was getting at. Although "boutique" is a fun word to fiddle with.

"Darling, it's positively boutique!"

That kind of thing.

Lizards croaking is funny. Anything on a croak if they ain't no frog (or toad) is darn rite cute!

Anything on a crouch or "poppin' a squat" is fun too. (If they ain't no frog)

You're welcome.
 — PollyReg

in contrast to common practice, numbers are [to be] treated here as variables, aside from phonetic tools; they are windows/portals/wormholes to or sets of a bunch of people, experiences, colors, stuff, or events who/that have led to the way things are now, as far as my life is concerned. in other words, i created a private, synaesthetic, time capsule, or a 'tardis', if you will. i would not recommend that anyone see and read [into] every tedious detail in it, as it really doesn't look so good 'in my mind' at all but, as all poems go, i think, it can be anyone's own personal escape/escapism/sanctuary/salvation/experience, depending on how his sensory receptors are activated by any one, specific stimulus -- in which case, the piece will have been successful in facilitating a reader's temporal displacement by making the reader take flight as a bird, rather than serving as the mode/form of transport for the reader.

otherwise, it all boils down to my nth failure in writing.

thank you, all, so much for reading this post.

:)
 — fractalcore

oh, and the title is a very crucial part of it all, by the way, as the piece is a smorgasbord of various existential dilemmas and contradictions.

:)
 — fractalcore

that's the point of calling numbers 'transcendental' -- they're fakes but perfect for the performance of judgements on the different thing which is also a part of the whole. number quantifies that part -- opens the door, in your words, to the entire world of the whole thing -- whether it's a table you're building or the universe.
 — cadmium

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