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Stemming off...Into Vague Possibility

Feinting Reality for the sake of this man
I see in the mirror tonight
I wonder if I ever cared to survive
Past this age of love and despair
Dark gray clouds asking permission
To bring the rain
And always pain in the muddled sky
Lying steadily in the face of everybody,
Who just doesn’t notice the grace
In these off colored days of our lives
I let someone tell me I was wrong about things
I knew what to say to face my ignorance
I fell in front of the crowd
I laughed my pain away to save my face
I never wondered about so many things
If I go to sleep, will people leave behind me?
Does anyone ever wonder just how it is,
A man could love someone for so long
Like I have
Do they wonder
How I’m doing about the aftermath
Guess it doesn’t matter to matter to anyone
So if they ask if there is something wrong
Like I know will never be
I just shake my head and stare at the ground
Try and keep it for myself
Without tearing the fabric
And leaving a window
For my heart to scream through
Someone told me I was wrong
About things
About things
Concerning existing with love in the matter
Of possibility
About things
About how facing tragedy with hope
I think I will always miss
My certainty.

21 Jun 04

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kind of long but good. there were a few lines i didn't think fit and each stanza seems independent from the rest of the poem.
 — Drastic