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Logic of Desire

was it something I said to deserve your visit?
did I loosen the liripoop you've fastened
so tightly around your neck?
I was expecting a spray of milksop
but through all your collywobbles
you presented with a handsome bouquet of stiff vines reaching.
I know I defy the splines of hard equations
and the long division of road,
and I don't even like math or long commutes,
but if it means a romp in the desert with that
cockamamie beard I'm the first to start prinking.
when we made sensations last night
was it for my last feeling? I knelt before you
dreaming of evenings you'll spend flavouring me
as I lay ripened as a muskmelon
naked across your grill.
what if I write poems into the soft lines
of your ears, will you hear the sweet crunch
of pickle between slices of malted squaw?
will you see the bobby-flambé of banana and clove
cherry bombing the horizon
through all the foggy mornings of your button-
down world?
I know writing in such a secret, seductive cavern
won't bring my tongue into your cheek
or give us the trees to sit under, bird in hand,
hand to bulb,
but somehow when my heart cries out like a saulie
you come running with a gift you didn't know
you were prepared to give--
a forgiveness you have kept from yourself,
a desire you'd long forgotten.

18 Feb 16

Rated 8.3 (9.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 10
Inactive (3): 5, 8, 9, 10, 10

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I know I seem like a silly creature = I know I seem like a period drama actress

Today Helen Bonham Carter tomorrow The World.
 — PollyReg

Kind of bloated with adjectives and a lot of over writing but its not too bad. I rate you an 8. I happen to love period drama.
 — PollyReg

I find line 19 to be the most delicate and vulnerable line of the whole work. While we are all familiar with the seductive whispers of Delilah on the ears of an ego-driven lug head, I think this piece seeks to replace that mythos with a more tender counterpoint comparison.

Desire is imperfect and illogical. You captured that, perfectly.

I rate it a binary 2.
 — PaleHorse

Highlites: L5ywobbler. 17. 22er. Till 25.

26 is blatant. L 30 uncessaries.
 — Known

I like a lot of this...stiff vines, silly creature, some captivating imagery. Good job.  I'll consider a re-read & perhaps an upgrade!
 — gombola


I like your musk melons :-)
Sounds, tastes and textures are all loud and living through this poem.

You're a great writer, Jen, you seem to have many muses. Which means you're writing is always new and different sounding. You'll always be my fav.

 — unknown

Gosh, thanks for such a varied response everyone.

Polls., I've never heard of period drama poetry before, haha. Only women bleed and I've long since migrated from that category. Glad you had a go.

Pony, I'm giggling. Especially at your mention of line 19. :)

Thanks known, gombo and my dear pal dent.
 — jenakajoffer

Alice Cooper?  LOL

Don't think that just because I have played around here my comments aren't worth paying any attention to, Jen.

I like this but it is fluffy and prosey. If you are going to do prose I don't understand the necessity of line breaks...

There are some parts I like...Liripoop, milksop, hand to bulb, saulie, etc

Thanks for the read, My Dear.
 — PollyReg

Your comments are as appreciated as always Polly. No need to be bitchy ;)
Do you find it prosy? I hadnt fully thought so but maybe you're right.
Still, I dont know what anything is anymore, I just write and let people call it whatever they want.

Thanks for returning the Alice Cooper :)
 — jenakajoffer

Was it bitchy? I don't think that was bitchy. I don't think many of my comments are bitchy.

They just don't say: I love your poem, the best thing I've ever read, you're wonderful, you're a doll.

I would class this as prose, absolutely.
 — PollyReg

Good to know, thank you :)
 — jenakajoffer

I trust your opinion.
Maybe I'll shift it out of line breaks, since they're pointless.
 — jenakajoffer

Why'd you delete your poems Polly??
 — jenakajoffer

Because I am not allowed to write what I want in the comments section. A better question would be something else.

Think of a good one.
 — PollyReg

The line breaks keep it tidy.  The only real issue is "silly creature"

It really gave me a cold shiver. I felt like I was reading "little women" or something
 — PollyReg

Silly creature is a play and reflection of Liripoop (one of its several meanings).
Otherwise yeah, it's a bit ridiculous.
 — jenakajoffer

My poems = My intellectual property. If I want to feck 'em with youtubes and talkings about nonsense, I think that should be allowed.

I don't put youtubes on other peoples poems anymore. Some people might not like it. However, I like it on mine.

The same thing:

This user name = My intellectual property. (apparently)

There is some issue here. People are posting bubby emoji poems. Someone signed in as me and created a thread. No shit, really. Really, and really, truly did it.

See the message board
 — PollyReg

Your music posts have never bothered me, in fact I've rather enjoyed them.
That's too bad, I'm sorry to hear that polls.
 — jenakajoffer

lol, hey thanks for the reply Jennifer!
 — PollyReg