poetry critical

online poetry workshop



tribute to delectibility
gombola

Sure I can suck you in
 1
it's the release of your essence that kills
 2
the glue that bonds
 3
our taste that ties
 4
like a fully imagined ode to a Grecian urn
 5
realized
 6
always driving me buck wild
 7
the past whose future we would not elude
 8
that we hold civil dear
 9

19 Feb 16

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(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Love the gear shifts.
 — Known

clue me in ....gear shifts?
 — gombola

Line length.
 — Known

Lines 2,3,4: ...
the dog that chased the cat
that ate the the rat
that lived in the house that jack built.

just a funny way to suggest a rework of "that".
 — unknown

Sorry but I'm having trouble understanding this. I feel it lacks cohesiveness. There's no flow and I'm a salmon already swimming upstream so I'm pretty exhausted. A little help please :)
 — jenakajoffer

You're so critical....don't have trouble...say the words and let it suck you in too, unbeliever thou!
 — gombola

yeah, there's poetry by rimbaud that's now considered to be how to write poetry, but at the time, in the late 18 hundreds, wasn't readable by most academically trained readers -- which is to say, most anyone who'd learned how to read in a school. i think it shows that you're either born to be a poet or not. but, the question here is, not that jen has problems with this -- because, she's a poet too and must read as though the poem were a poem being written by her -- it's whether you, gombola, can read other and difficult poetry. i don't remember any crit of yours on my stuff, and some of mine is way more difficult than this piece.

r.e.s.p.e.c.t, find out what it means to me -- same to jen -- read the thing out loud. find the music in it, not the plot.
 — cadmium

Cad, I will make an effort to read you and do my darndest (sic) to find your music (and not your difficulty).
 — gombola

mostly, I meant you should help jen.
 — cadmium

Jen, how can I be of help to you (and me, win/win).
 — gombola

hi gombo, i do'nt know, i've just been really ill and i can't read well...maybe.
i find it hard to swing from each monkeybranch to the next
urn/realized/always
wild/the past
elude/that we

i will say that having read this post fever, it did make more sense and flowed better. :)
 — jenakajoffer

Jen, as a Southerner, I thank you kindly for your re-read of this work, which was both a pain and a painful revelation for me to express --tho with a happy outcome (no pun Int.)
We who labor over these kindling labors of love and obsession know that it sometimes takes several writes and  sev'l reads before a flame erupts and the poem one intones burnishes itself upon one's defenses, psyches and dispositions.
Oh, what I promised for Cadm. I look forward to reading and re-reading your work, much of which I have admired.
Having just gotten over a serious illness myself, may I convey my sincerest sympathy and powerful GET WELL NOW.  
 — gombola

Gombola, as a Northerner I graciously open my feeble mind in all its pain and effort :)
 — jenakajoffer

jen, you're canadian, no? y'all were pro south and gentille long before there even was a south. je me souvienne.
 — cadmium

Too much grace aready, not enuf crit
 — unknown

naw, grace is this thing where you're so conscious that you let the other people be the center of attention. jen's good that way, and it's up to the suddenly spotlighted to talk to us or not. mostly, people don't talk here, they just wise-crack and do one-liner 'ironic' little toodles to practice the tweeting they're going to do when something finally interesting texts on their twooter.
 — cadmium

Hello! All! writing paper dissertation papers ok’
 — unknown

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