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I thought
 1
"I should write"
 2
Followed by my own
 3
critic, he says
 4
my father wouldn't like it or
 5
you should make your best friend cry
 6
like you do
 7
every single time you think
 8
you've ruined everything you ever had
 9
just look
 10
at your arm
 11
at your loves
 12
at your cars
 13
at your wallet
 14
at your brain
 15
at your home
 16
just look
 17
at your past
 18
at your present
 19
at your future
 20
just look
 21
at your reality
 22
just look
 23
and tell everyone you're sorry
 24
tell everyone you're not going to cry
 25
and pretend like a social platform for sincerity is networking with an open mic and if you don't want to hear it you know what to do
 26
because sooner or later
 27
everyone else will catch up
 28
and wonder how you got here first,
 29
right?
 30
Other people maybe they write but they don't
 31
share.
 32
Maybe other people they feel but they don't
 33
say.
 34
Other people maybe they sympathize but they don't
 35
empathize.
 36
Maybe other people talk but they don't
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speak.
 38
I go to write and I think of old words and I think
 39
"I can do better"
 40
Or how this moment is mine,
 41
but I wish other people would read more and type more and spread ideas and challenge themselves and look death in the eye and dissect it's mind and stop pretending they aren't as red-handed as me fucking just paint with it because we have to leave something real for others to find instead of just watching to see other people embarrass themselves in the name of intellectual honesty: I want to live the way I want to live and posting rambling rants and poetry on Facebook isn't just writing: it's graffiti. There are no rules there is only blank space.
 42
I'm just waiting for you
 43
to make your mark over mine
 44
so we can share
 45
an experience
 46
that we make
 47
out of literal-fucking-ly the fuck nothing
 48
except the fuck we give
 49
and I think we should write
 50
we should all be writing
 51
a story or something greater
 52

10 Mar 16

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kind of fans out but not like a flood in a flood plain, the kind that carries boulders and trees and slams them into honda civics. it kind of trickles out, and maybe people too busy to read a book will like this because it says stuff but doesn't say too much.

you know, we're coming already from a literate centered culture, and we upped that into literature as truth, and not literature as fantasy or escape. so, when kurt b., a pretty good poet once, first met me and wanted me to like his stuff because he though i was tolerable as a writer, he said to me, "you should apologize for being so old". and, i said to him the same thing back, but about being a kid. after a point i had to recognize that talent wasn't enough, that kurt was pretty nowhere, very unable to do anything but write in skarter vokabulary, and couldn't really visualize or structure anything that didn't give immediate gratification. now, kurt's a nice guy and decent and all, but so what. and, i think we don't have to do this kind of apology you're doing, looking in the mirror and trying to see yourself as others see you, because finding your reality in your writing and for building your own identity is going to just knock these whiny "write so i can read it" kind of people out of the way and in front of a bus.

not that there aren't some nice leaf clusters and sticky things in this tree.
 — cadmium

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