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psychopath, revised

I sift through the remains of my novelty friends
looking for a single hair or
bone from which I might comprehend
their mind, maybe
to know what it is to care
and love as humans do
without having to observe
and plaster a smile,
practice the tone to go
with surprise and fear
while I fake
just to fit in
when I see what they see
in the whole wide world
of life and everything

4 Apr 16

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Your poem here strays from personal to impersonal. It's got the right mentality, but you haven't really dug in your claws to the proper conveyance. The form is appropriate, only it's backwards. The more you would head back into the world you would have to speak more about how to behave to let people not know...idk maybe I'm off on a limb, sorry...anyways, I hope you get help if you need it. Cheers.
 — Known

known: thanks for the advice. i've changed it up a bit, though I still don't think I'm there. any other advice for me?
 — dvdsxr

this actually works as a fantasia  form, an extended and evolving image of mind and feelings in oNE voice and breath. it enters my soul and I know and feel this. all its got to do is be consistent and evolve like a flower. the poem is the poet. I wouldn't convert it for the 19th century reader.
 — cadmium