poetry critical

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Free Space

Our eyes met when you walked by
and I leaned across the cracked linoleum of the bingo table,
Searching for a card with
I 19, 21, 29.
By B9 you'd moved beyond
the yellow striped tent.
I waited
always the last to look away.
A creaky voice from the front row called "Bingo" in more of a whisper than a shout.
I'd missed it again,
unsure of the word
even as the red chips lined up across my card.

6 Apr 16

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This is oddly good, but creepy for some reason haha
 — Known

Do you need lines 9-10?  I think it's better without that, pretty funny, in fact.
 — Isabelle5

Thanks for the suggestion, Isabelle5! You're right, it's a better poem without those two lines so I'm removing them :)
 — atomictorte

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 — zhangkai1992

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 — unknown