I want to suck your hair like a cat,
choke on a hairball and ruminate it like a cow,
your essence my cud, my cure, my hobby.
Too far now to smell the back of your neck
and the sweet spot where thigh meets scrotum
and watch your hands moving tan on white, black on pink
as we envelope, lick each other like stamps
that our life sends out like packages labeled
crudely, "Fragile, do not drop, do not shake."
After years of practice, I fumble, drop us,
hear us shatter as we reach for each other,
hands slippery with memory and
lies lubed with KY tongue gel.
We watch pieces of us that were precious
become road kill, become litter
on the edges of our dream.
We taste it together, still conjoined
like a freak Cupid put together badly
- primordial, back of the throat endings
saying we have evolved as far as we can and here (it/we) end.
We do this badly, faces turned away and blank,
voices broken like glass
and shards will follow us, we will never heal.
I need you to make me strong,
you need me to keep you brave.
From far away, I feel you raging,
you hear me crying,
we do not follow our umbilicus
to its frayed breaking point.
It's over, we are puzzled, paralyzed
and learning that even beautiful dreams
can wither and die of loneliness,
unable (unwilling) to be revived.