poetry critical : poem

it's mother's day, bill

a time for plotting revenge	1
or cradling phantoms;	2
you in my blue house dress	3
and that deep moaning sound	4
as you pulled it away--	5

I was slit like cyclops and its head,	6
smooth like an acorn;	7
the froth on your upper lip,	8
flecked with sweat as you nursed the wound	9
with a steel skewer.	10

I wept under the pink mulch,	11
ball of opium-- your thin kiss,	12
the strange colour of a rhesus monkey	13
screeching the maggots away	14
from the abscess.	15

I carved a hole in your chest	16
and stuffed with feathers	17
when I couldn't stand your crying--	18
my young breasts	19
without a darkened nipple,	20
not pulled by feeding until you latched on	21
like a dangling animal.	22

the milk-leaks still gurgle	23
when I hear it cry in the night,	24
and the white bones of blame	25
are still warm in their wool sweater,	26
but, it's time to blow	27
the dwindling figures away, bill,	28

let the wild mother lick the film	29
of our stinking a-hole regret;	30
hoist you, toss you out,	31
hose you down, drenched, glittering.	32

I'm not too sick to suckle	33
you soft motherfucker.	34

12 May 16

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DeformedLion

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Comments:

Hey.

While these are fun, I feel like you've strayed a long ways from your muse. I feel like you are taking poetic license to your own advantage. While such a maneuver is key for certain events or work, stagnation feels very present here in your poem. I wouldn't say it is tiring to me, but I can't help feel pulled in an odd sense of forced empathy when finding this.

I'm gonna explain in a little different language just in case: When reading your series of Bill poems I sense no threads of association to Bill or Bill's or Bill's mind. Nor do I sense your (the author's) awareness of justification for such a distance. Anyways, good to see your still writing.
— Known

I love Bill poems. Just saying, L5 is the bridge to a kick-ass poem...maybe that's not the line. You can kick my ass later.
— unknown

Hey known, I'm going to take your comment "while these are fun" and leave it at that. While your comments are appreciated and probably accurate in most regard, I choose not to dissect the bill.

:)
— jenakajoffer

Unk, thanks, but I don't know what you mean by bridge and kick ass. :)
— jenakajoffer

"Hose you down, drenched, glittering." is a poem all by itself.

Thank you for your kind comments the other day.
— Infrangible

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