poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Sugar Cubes and Cough Syrup

He's asthmatic, allergic to dogs
smokes a pack a day and sips Robitussen
through a straw.
He ticks like a grandfather clock
but he can't count hands; always late, misses the date
makes me sit by the watering hole
as I wait for my morning let down.
He pops a cocktail of benzos
plops a sugar cube in his mouth; rolls it around
before bearing down and shattering it
between his teeth.
I fell in love with it--
his sweet saliva and slurred Scottish
his addiction to adrenaline
and the way he danced in the starlight
with my legs slung around his waist.
He doesn't know what elixir means
not mete or metaphor,
yet he quotes fat bastard doin a jobby
says he never ate any corn--
I remind him that he chewed my ear off
the night before but he says it was just a niblet;
the sweet crunch of pain exploding through the silk
where I wet-nursed his tremors.
I'd like to give him a taste of his own
medicine; just a teaspoon of tongue
to help the venom go down.

4 Jun 16

Rated 10 (10) by 3 users.
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L11 - shattering "IT."  Don't be leavin' dem pronouns out da mix!  ;-)  Otherwise, BANGIN'!  I life how L's 1-12 and then L's 13-29 are two different poems.  Each of these two word groupings work completely OFF one another and without one, u can't have the other.  I marvel at your word craftiness!  And ROBITUSSEN...(Here comes the barfing sound...BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK!)  <3
 — starr

should be straight-facing Jack
like good hard-working writers.

It wont kill you this decade
 — unknown

Beautiful painting.  So hard to want to talk to the people who influenced us, knowing it will never be acknowledged.  Had to google alphorn, and pronounced it alf-orn. Haha.
 — Infrangible

Thanks Starr! Sorry it's been awhile buddy. Love you mang xxx!

Hey infrag, wow it's been ages since I've seen you around, thanks so much for the read. Cheers :)
 — jenakajoffer

VERY nice work!
 — aforbing

Thanks Furbie!! 😉
 — jenakajoffer