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A Life, Not To Be Remembered
kripto

What is life?
 1
Should I find a wife?
 2
Go to school?
 3
Graduate, get a job?
 4
Is that life?
 5
 
 
A dog
 6
A child
 7
A house
 8
A white picket fence
 9
Become one of two who joust?
 10
 
 
Should I make a living?
 11
Loving hate and screaming
 12
Get a car
 13
Fuel efficient,
 14
my wife's smile's beaming
 15
A mini van?
 16
Yelled across the house
 17
Is that really what we want?
 18
Spoken like a timid mouse
 19
 
 
As another child's born
 20
Now I have a litter
 21
Three little children
 22
A dog, a wife, I love her
 23
 
 
So why is it I feel like this?
 24
Emptiness
 25
No drugs, no bliss
 26
Money troubles
 27
Pay the bills
 28
Buy the gifts
 29
Take a pill
 30
 
 
Close my eyes and feel relief
 31
As long as there is constant grief
 32
I drink my wine
 33
They say it's good
 34
A glass a day, is all I should
 35
 
 
I suppose I binge
 36
I drink and drink
 37
Is it my fault?
 38
Remembering
 39
 
 
Looking out my window
 40
I am filled with gloom
 41
Staring at what I have
 42
Was my future always doomed?  
 43
 
 
A plan drawn out?
 44
Engraved on stoic stone
 45
All I did was follow
 46
Walking all alone
 47
 
 
And then what should, just happened
 48
I never thought it through
 49
A proposal and a baby
 50
Tied me down, who knew?
 51
 
 
So what is life?
 52
I still can not explain
 53
But I know it can't be selfish
 54
Love people and feel pain
 55
 
 
I've become a martyr
 56
I feel pity for myself
 57
I sacrificed my own life
 58
Look! it's sitting on the shelf
 59
 
 
I get up and I grab it
 60
I feel weary, my knees shake
 61
I look around the house
 62
And see something I can't take
 63
 
 
I see empty, well done beds
 64
No mini van to find
 65
Am I all alone?
 66
What has happened to the time?
 67
 
 
Wasn't it just day light?
 68
I hear a women's voice
 69
No, it's time to eat and then for bed
 70
And you don't have a choice
 71
 
 
Confused, I can not take it
 72
Struggling to be free
 73
Got up and to the bathroom locked it behind me
 74
But when I saw a wrinkled face
 75
Where mine was supposed to be
 76
 
 
All i saw was black
 77
And I almost couldn't breath
 78
My heartbeat wasn't silent
 79
But it wasn't the thump to beat
 80
A women's shriek there followed
 81
 
 
She loudly called for me
 82
But when the door had opened
 83
There was nothing left to feed
 84
My Life.
 85
Was done and broken.
 86
I had nothing left to need...
 87

29 Jul 16

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Comments:

woah!
 — unknown

bismillah.

Now you thought about this when you already have a wife, children and a dog, I thought that you should take care of them. Really, just don't focus on anything else. If I am in your shoes, I just take care of them, and forget everyone else, except where needed.

You had the same craving to reach the inner depths of life's wonder, eh? Just step right into the realm of writing and studying, and make your every poem a study of life. I don't suggest to make a hobby out of it. I suggest make writing as one of foundations on finding the ultimate knowledge on life.

That's just my opinion about this issue.
 — Qayyum

being creative is about not being satisfied with sex or security. it's to just make in your media whatever must be made and not care if people approve of you or not.
 — cadmium

this is fucking shit
 — unknown

i just want to say, it really isn't hard to write a poem that people here like, it's not, it is far harder to write one that I like... and the two are rarely the same. I am, through and through a story teller, but here, what is revered is a series of dots to be connected within the reader mind, if I connect it, I make garbage, in your eyes at least. And I write from other perspectives, so if you sit there trying to give me advice your wasting your time. I am not at this point in my life, but I fear it...
 — kripto

oh. I thought you write it from your own life.

thanks for clarifying.
 — Qayyum

Thank you Qayyum for the advice, and understanding. I guess I felt bitter about how this was received, but I should never be surprised by the reception of others, cause often there is little reason beyond pure opinion when it comes to critiques, unless it is followed by a critique and not just more opinion.
 — kripto

hmm. I think you will eventually get used to the sometimes hostile reception here. I will usually stay silent for a long amount of time before writing a response. Sometimes I cut off when discussion goes awry and off-topic.

about opinions and critiques: an advice from the days of yore: You will make people like you when you treat people the way you like yourself to be treated.
 — Qayyum

PS: I misread your statement about most critiques nothing more than opinions rather than actually 'pointing in the right direction': I can only agree to that.
 — Qayyum

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