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Getting It Right for Once

a majority of the details
he worked out days before
the time
the room
the chair he would be sitting in
it was his favorite chair
a baby blue sofa chair he stumbled upon
sitting in front of a duplex down the street
years ago
he didn't drive
so when he found it
he called a cab service to transport it
the five blocks back to his apartment
he fondly remembered having sex
with all of his last three girlfriends
in that chair
good memories
until he kept thinking about them
picking a song proved more difficult
the first one that came to his head was
Love Will Tear Us Apart
by Joy Division
he actually laughed
at how cliché that would be
and decided he was going to have to do
a great deal more thinking
he couldn't pick any song that correlated
with any of those past relationships
or any particular person
or event
this wasn't "a fucking statement"
he finally decided on
We Have All The Time In The World
by Louis Armstrong
it seemed a bit ironic
which is not what he was going for
but ultimately
it was a beautiful song
the perfect song
came the hardest part
the glass
looking in his cupboards
he was embarrassed to realize
he had mostly plastic cups
what actual glassware he did have
were pints with brewery logos on them
just more evidence that
he really didn't have his shit together
he made a last minute run
to the Target a quarter-mile away
and there he found the right glass
a short
rocks glass
after returning home from Target
he ordered his favorite pizza delivery
smoked a cigarette
and listened to
the pizza came
he tipped the driver a twenty
ate just enough slices to feel full
and put the rest in the fridge for...
for whoever
he poured a bottle of still water
into his perfect glass
put in the Louis Armstrong cd
and pressed the Repeat 1 button
he sat down in his baby blue sofa chair
and felt relieved
like he was doing the right thing

6 Sep 16

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 7, 9, 10

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Brought me to a state, but I feel incomplete, like I'm still waiting for something else, but maybe that is the point.
 — kripto

Actually, that's about right, kripto. I was trying to write something showcasing what's not said.
 — dannyprice

I like it. I think it showcases what's not being said, in effect, "not being said". It could have been read one of two ways...or two outcomes. But I think its positive.

Where was the chair though? Why was it being transported? Its unclear to me...Was it still outside the duplex?
 — PollyReg

Thanks for reading, Polly. The chair was in "the room", in his apartment.
 — dannyprice

okay, well in that case i think 9-11 may be superfluous. the time lapse is iffy for me.

i took it to read that he found the chair...had sex with girlfriends in the chair (possibly in front of the duplex...but i took it as missing information, due to the fact that not many people have open air sex in front of duplexes, and thought maybe the chair was at his parents place or a previous dwelling) and the this current day of the 'occurence' or lack there of...he was bringing the chair to his apartment in a cab.

i don't know if i am the only one to read it like this..

 — PollyReg

I made some revisions to those stanzas, hopefully making it less convoluted.
 — dannyprice

it reads timeline correct to my ears (lol, eyes) now.

to tighten it further you could this:

it was his favorite chair
a baby blue sofa he found
in front of a duplex years ago.

he'd called a cab to transport it
the five bocks back to his apartment

(non driving is inferred, thus)

tho, there's something about the past perfect tense (i think that is what it is) being 'irregular'  in poetic contructs...or, at least, poor form, and that is probably why you avoided using it.

cheers for letting me fiddle with it...it was okay how it was too. i was just having a mystery and had to ask. but, unfortunately, curiosity done killed that cat gone snooze.

 — PollyReg

I don' t know, at first I didn't like it, then I read it again....and I liked it. then I started trying to figure out what it really means, which I hate doing. So I read it again. Damn you!!! And then I read it again. And finally I decided it didn't matter to me what it meant, I mean I liked that the guy finally felt like he was doing something good. And overall, I liked it. I like his reflection. So....good job.
 — Jaco

Thanks, jaco. I sincerely felt the same way about it. And, Polly, I agree with you're revisions,  and will make those changes here shortly.
 — dannyprice

 — dannyprice

no worries, dan :-)
 — PollyReg