poetry critical

online poetry workshop

one night of infinity

no tongue or lips
unless you count the honey suckle
of the weak lime ethanol
and the gradual clonazepam hike
to the caffeine and nicotine rush
of that calypso cream
we shared
no no, love
we only stared
down the eternal chasm of the
cosmic what-ifs
and their wordless oils spilling chaos
on the canvas
and how much envy simmers
between this sordid fantastical artwork romance
and its sickly withering cousin-
you know and you starve,
while i have already been here saving, fasting,
peeking over the edge
so i never forget
either side of this galactic fence.
from root to roof top
i lie exposed, patiently waiting
for the world to turn.

16 Sep 16

Rated 10 (9.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (1): 9, 10

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its so close...9, and because can be more
 — sixtywatt

kick ass poem
 — JKWeb

sixtywatt- so close how? what's missing or what's too much? details man! I need them to improve!
 — dvdsxr

sixty watt. I basically wrote a part two to this. but I'd love to hear your critique ... telling me I'm so close isn't helpful. I know that I am. I always am. I'm not a poet but I'm almost there. I need the cutthroat reality of harsh criticism. give it to me. a 9 is arbitrary, a 10 would make no difference
 — dvdsxr