poetry critical

online poetry workshop



I love Trump.
unknown

The glitter of your orange hair
 1
shows the backbone of your experience.
 2
I'm simply in awe of what you must do
 3
despite the disapproval of others
 4
and the contempt of many,
 5
particularly CNN.
 6
 
 
For once in a long while
 7
the prize has finally been sought
 8
by the many projects you exude
 9
such as the building of the great wall,
 10
the safety of our nation from radicals
 11
and the deportation
 12
of brown skunky people
 13
with handkerchiefs on top of their heads.
 14
 
 
What an established being you are!
 15
Established because you don't give a fuck
 16
by the cries and outrage of many
 17
still dwelling in an airport or alley somewhere.
 18

12 Feb 17

Rated 10 (7) by 1 users.
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Fake Poetry.
 — unknown

help, unk, if you could say what real thing this is.  because,  it must be something real, some other thing in nature. it looks like a poem, but doesn't feel like one. in the last century it would have been called "verse" and judged only on what it said as fact. but, even the most truly spontaneous end up killing their poetic being by trying to prove they're really poets. you may, and i, be the snake of poetry,  but even we glide over and on the leaves and twigs.... we don't enter them, we ride on them, reacting, showing how but not showing why. and, little ditties like this one are built for a certain casual reader. but, our work -- who is it built for, since god won't take it and knopf won't publish it.
 — cadmium

Or you can have sense of being, and trust that..whatever you want to call it, and become its most honest expression.
 — unknown

you become only through what you do, not what you think you are. if you're cosmic light, you don't have a voice in petrified chatterbate -- you've got to become through making something that stays there and you can be real about -- you can say you're the most amazing poet or lover, but if you're a virgin in both, it's just dry humping and a lot of complaining about how nobody returns your calls.
 — cadmium

Or you could exist and die and not have written a word and still be poet. You could live a life without a voice, and be the greatest poet. The construct of wisdom is not anchored by the recognition of others, but that of yourself. If this very idea needs to be a slave for critical thinking or emotional sensibilities, then you will forever be in the maze of deconstruction. Intelligence recognizes its peers, thereof its always ready Rooster fight.. poetry has one job, transcend. In an e-world of abstract digital selves and 70% of American fighting to keep or find a minimum wage job, poetry needs to pull its weight. The poets from the "cult of the self" generation, better speak from a well known place. If they can't hack at is as poet, at least it would be poetic. The past is technique, line up everything you know, every language device, and every great writer that ever lived, including all your holy books. They are all a tool. The stakes for the specie has never been higher, the ability to destroy and distort all realities have never been greater. Poetry can use every real voice. It does not need to validate anyone's intelligence.
 — unknown

yeah, and not be a hockey puck either.  totally mystical revelation,  which makes being a poet seem lamer. you live in life, but you don't fart poetry.  Poetry is a word game suggesting nature by adding poems into the world of nature. transcendent consciousness transcends materialism by creating an alternate material world of ego. you're only what you make. if you don't need anything from the world then you're not a poet. why would you dirty your purity with blah blah?

you're a poet only because you write a poem. if you're liberated from writings and writing, you don't need to write anything because youcan just look at the crowd and they'll be liberated from using words too. wisdom is shit, but poets who want to be poets without writing poetry are just con men.  
 — cadmium

look at the third section of "poetry as beautiful object" on the message board. and, get transcendent : if writing poetry istotranscend, then all you're transcending is the need to write a poem. that means you think poetry is just shit to feed your little flower of st. Francis.
 — cadmium

Or you can be describing  the job of a technician, as a poet. A job that is slowly surrendering its skills to technology. Our past is our wealth, it provides us inspiration not dictation. It is silly to discuss who appoints a poet, that is intelligence egging for a cock fight. You can keep it in your pants, not interested.

Then there are people who elevate the technicians into artist. The silliest of these people are those who are giddy to use baseline metrics to measure/value the "art" and in the process elevate their own value and the "art". These people describe poems and poetry as a transactional event, because they want to and they can charge a vig of sort. Some are just lonely. Which is fine as well.

But to declare that poetry comes from an alien fountain, that it is different from what we culturally label as art? Because poets use big beautiful words? That is propaganda. That smells of death covered in cheap cologne.

To deny the fundamental function of a Poem to penetrate your thick skull and stirr electricity in your locked organ, as bullshit because it is to a fixed signal you are use to seeing, that is Ego.

All awhile the mysteries of why we even feel empathy are questioned by the vary existence of mirror neurons. how science explained the cosmos, it will isolate  the mystery of a thought to a process. That is if man does not give birth first  to an alien orthogonal intelligence that will finally rip mankinds smugness of what constitutes a wordsmith or intelligence. This talk I'm an expert so STFU amounts to fishing.

What stinks is not how you say what you mean, or mean what you say, or your person state of being, but knowing that You have a con artist as the president of the United States, and your drivel much like this poem is without a sense of urgency, and has the tone and texture of a spammer. In few years, what you write will be indistinguishable from a bot, and the very idea that you ever existed will vanish from any record. But I'm sure you have the magic formula to make or break a poet or poem...we are in good hands
 — unknown

the technician is the automatch typer of words which come to  mind. a poet visualizes words as images. I see what I image, and write the image into words. you can feel great love, or, like me, have seen and felt and heard the purest being of god, but if all you do is just try to crowbar people into believing you and in you, then you're passive to love or god, and creating passive readers of your work. you have to invent love in words. when you're in love it works on some level, if you have a feeling for the forms of nature, the form of love. but, you have to have talent to do that. if you've only got a talent for seuction, the you become a saint -- not acreative, but a lightbulb switched on and off according to your moods. a poet can't live that way. we don't believe in anything unless we're creating it. that's why most feeling poetry is so boring to us -- it's chatting about a trip to beauty instead of creating it.
 — cadmium

or if you precisely describe who you are, trying to crowbar people into believing that you and in you as the end all be all, because that is who you are, then go on explaining that by some sort of divine intervention these feelings are justified, that we should all trust you, and believe you, the one person that does not and cannot stop churning, for the sake of churning, pretending to be the ghost in the machine, but if anyone casually reads your engagement they would hear a whimpering of a lonely bully that is fading into the oblivion. A mouth talking non-stop, nonsensical, arguing, circling itself, concerned for itself, a defunct Becket  play where is no audience, and the director-writer is assembled from language, by language to be a very good bot.
 — unknown

i'm seventy, and i've been writing poetry since i was ten. i've gone through all the stages of writing and writing poetry up to seventy. i've talked with hundreds of other poets as fellow writers, and read thousands of poems of all kind. i've been a flat-out visionary, using the language of 'i saw...' and a flat-brained academic writer trying to write like ezra pound.

i see this place as a writers workshop, not a sufi cluster-dance, and i don't know anyone here except through their writing. i don't take anyone here as real, as really a poet, unless they're doing those word dancing moves which show they're actually a part of poetry nature. a lot of people here -- myself too -- can write a poem, but not always, not just when they want to write a poem.

if jesus comes back, or the buddha shows up for lunch, i'll be polite, but i'm not going to trade cosmic universal participation in the creation for some nice thoughts about what happens when i die and what kind of mind-gel i should use to get liberated. i'm a simple creator fuck who crafts things from language. a poor peasant looking inside instead of over the rainbow. i am the source of my own liberation and the source of my own pain. that's the plan.
 — cadmium

by the way, you're posting only anonymously. that's shameful. it's ok for some kid to post a poem as unk, when they're afraid, but you shouldn't be afraid of being what you think. and, if you think that you're the universal principle, the anti-gravity jesus, then it's not working. you write in commercial prose, sales prose, like a debt collector scolding us for our lack of respect.
 — cadmium

this is kind of a fantasy trip in irony, this poem. the spine is the sign, and the sign's decor is the clue to the body and mind of its owner.

the energy then is how funny this poem is to us, to me. is it funny? trump is funny and looming. i am over-loomed by trump and need a moment to myself -- alkaseltzer poetry to stop gas and headache -- trump's always been annoying.

it's kind of an empty poem, saying what everyone says. but, it says it with a certain style and milo back on you bitchyness that would work if trump read it and had a spine and wasn't on his tweety all the time.
 — cadmium

I'm not diminished or made whole with what you think or write. Unlike you, I never claimed to have A privileged access to anything, I don't have an ego. I'm not the one boasting of abstract accomplishments as you mock transcendence as a hack like some nomad Sufis twirling for enlightenment. As if, our reality is not contrived from our mind, an input flesh machine that distills the outside through chemical reactions and electrical pulses. As if the description of how we live, capturing the machination of a technician is what all the fuss is about. Without the aspiration to transcend, there would be no traces of our civilization. It's the only way transmit and receive a sense of truth, from the infinite inputs our mind receives.

Your silliness, as you move on and speak in circles, so you can have both ends of your argument stuffed in your mouth like defunct shallow and hungry Ouroboros. It's not outrages, it is just silly.

Our Country needs sober and clear eyed writers, you are not the only person who can call shit writing shit, it is for the writers own good, not mine.
 — unknown

Dear Writer:

dig deeper, trump is an assault on reality. What is poem doing in response?
 — unknown

it's teaching you how to be intelligent.  pay attention and stop ramming your straight trash mind set on your betters. get some exlax.
 — cadmium

Right on. Mr. sad wrinkled Ego. You spend your remaining time on this planet aspiring to self serve, while you pretend to provide feedback. You are so poor.
 — unknown

I'm teaching, you're waiting. what kind of fascist useful poetry are you and your Power Ranger poets going to write, if you're all passives?

"wrinkled and sad." stupid fuck, you're crying cause nobody takes you seriously . get over it.  I'm making things, doing things. I'm disappointed in ypu, but not sad. if I push you enough,  you may write a hate poem. that's a good start towards the liberation of a well trained offended clone into freedom. a free and open poem is worth much more than a professor knowing what ought to be done.
 — cadmium

yeah, that is it. You are the lie, and the defender of truth. What a hoax. The same
Logic that pervades trump. Trump defends his Birther attitude, his fascist leanings because he is the center of the world, trump had to lie so that Obama would release his Birth certificate.
Old white guys are a hoot.

You know nothing about me, this is not about me, it's about your sickness.
 — unknown

Surely this is tongue in cheek but it makes no sense.  How does the color of hair show 'the backbone of your experience?"  Unless you mean experience with terrible barbers!  

This isn't good, even if it is satire.  It's bad writing, does not feel authentic and isn't even convincing.  Try again.
 — Isabelle5

i give so much here, very out front, very open about who i am and what i'm doing. i want to say what i am so that other writers can identify with me and critique my writing with as much energy and insight as i can give them.

using this place as a continuation of high school english class or oprah is retard. it's a writers workshop for writers, not tourists in typing land. you're too negative, always telling us what we're not and not showing us a better way. you learned nagging from your mother?
 — cadmium

isabelle... treat this as a cartoon. you've written the same kind of images using the same 'ironic voice'.

'glitter' is superficial, nothing of substance. fake hair is like trump's fake macho -- it's just a show with no interior truth. the author is in awe of trump's bluff, saying, in irony, that his mein kampf must be a heavy burden, lashed at as he is by the insensitive disapproval of weaklings... especially CNN -- and, using CNN this way, as a word, is very much like what Rimbaud did in 'a season in hell', when he's talking about this weak but domineering verlaine -- it's part of poetry creation to turn things on their sides, show the backside of the pompous.

'for once in a long while...' -- this is great satiric language, the double speak of rhetoricians, politicians, running sentences backwards to sound deep and thoughtful. then, the listing of the little projects, the mighty-mouse legoland that trump is building on the model of walt disney's albert speer architect to the fuehrer plan. "what an established being you are" -- the sun king pre-born to rule, to let them eat cake if they can find a fast food joint and not get busted by the migra.

it's a very rich piece of satire, and maybe too sophisticated. but, things like this are more or less private and maybe shared only with friends. we're not here for friends, but we'll take an intelligent bystander's notice when it comes by.
 — cadmium

If I did, mine was better and I haven't written that way since I was a very young poet.  I believe this could be done much better.
 — Isabelle5

The comments on this poem is a reflection of Trump. Denial of reality, master of distortion, and always self grandizing,  self promoting, and thin skinned whack job. You, then have the audacity to write an anti-trump poems? This is fake rubbish, you want bulldoze your way out of this corner? No way. You can't take the single most important thing that is happening to our country, put a poem that half-ass lists some grievance, all awhile your thought process mirror's trump.

You should be writing a poem in praise of trump, at least it would be authentic, and perhaps interesting.
 — unknown

Isabelle. This is loco right? I mean. . .
 — unknown

Loco?  I'm trying to separate the idea of Trump being 'great' from the bad writing.  This isn't strong enough to really move anyone.  You end up thinking, "So?"  It just feels too forced but maybe it's supposed to sound as if it were written by some undereducated person who believes that a man who says whatever comes to mind (which does not necessarily mean truth) and has a billion dollars must be amazing and should be Pres.
 — Isabelle5

The writer Thinks he is using the allusions of the  16 year old visionary Rimbaud, by referencing CNN. He thinks it is Satire because he inverts the title? He thinks he is referencing Walt Disney by mentioning a wall. The straight laced ending, is nothing more than pandering to the outrage.

It is just bad writing.
 — unknown

it's probably too sophisticated for some people. "some people" -- how does it go, can get a thrill, from knitting sweaters and sitting still...?

don't wiggle so.
 — cadmium

'Trying to separate the idea of Trump being 'great' from bad writing...' Isabelle, really? What the crap is everyone talking about..? Can bad writing be great? Or can it elevate someone to greatness? If the root is bad then why do you spend your time separating the branches? Maybe that's the thing about this piece, the super irony that the greatness of Trump is founded on 'bad writing' while true greatness is founded on small moments of silence, rarely recognized by many. But I agree with Cd, the whole site is filled with negativity, true the site has not been updated in over 10 years and it's filled with robot spam. Yet here we are, here we stand like ants on a really crappy spot of ground arguing on greatness, great things we write here. I'm going off topic but that's okay, here in PC land that's out specialty.
 — vida

So you want to go back to my knitting sweaters when you don't agree with me, Mike?  It's time to get over that.  Vida, I was trying to reconcile very bad poetry with the idea of talking about something/someone a person thinks is great.  I personally do not find Trump even slightly great but if I were enamoured of someone, I would try to write clearly and effectively.  This does not do that.  Hence my being perplexed.  
 — Isabelle5

well, there it is. this is likely  a satire,  Isabelle. I know you think poetry is about saying the truth to an ex to whom you wouldn't dare say such things to, to to his face. but there are several ways to say the truth.
 — cadmium

Cadmium you are a bullshit artist. Your Poetic Dishonesty, you hallownees, is Trumpilicious.
You and Trump are filled from the same bullshit hot air, except you are broke.
 — unknown

unk above, of the small and narrow trump mind, who has to tweet some cramped crap because it's all just too much --

so, this isn't a satire -- it's some fool's appreciation of trump, someone who doesn't have the right words, so it's all just 'whatever' and the title's more important than the poem.

i really like semi-literates who judge writing by the amount of text and say, "i don't like to read long things, they're usually bullshit." you and your kind are parasites here -- trumpers thinking you're gonna make it as poets because you're soooo special. why'n't you run for president.
 — cadmium

No you hot bag, it is really bad writing, satire from a toothless dog.
But your bombastic, bravado, and raisin ego is how our president behave,
Defending his half-ass measure with bullshit, and you act exactly the same when it comes to defending a steaming pile of crap, because it is yours.

You are deliberately distorting this boring and uninspired writing to be something else, because
You feel it. The truth is, when you die, you will not be missed, a fraud and a con artist will be written on your digital grave. It will be seen by more souls, and they would laugh at your incredulity.

But you are just bored, and your shriveled gonads need to be stimulated by anything, including this
Ridiculous steamer.  
 — unknown

The truth about bad poems it reveals the truth of arrogant empty writers, regardless of what the writer think or feels. It is good to know, that you spend time on earth defending poor, terrible, writing
 — unknown

Language exposes. This aweful and boring writing Satirizes the author, not the subject. The more you defend, that more it exposes, you - our Arthur Rimbaud. What a Joke.
 — unknown

All that glitters is not orange
 — unknown

it's an 'ironic' piece of writing. as writing, it's probably meant to be mean spirited, pointing at all of trump's phony moves.

howard stern said that trump only ran for president to put pressure on his network to give him more money for his show. you've probably watched the 'apprentice', i never have. but, clips i've seen of it show a talentless geek sitting on a throne. someone like trump is really too much of a joke to be satired, but it's done. the embarrassment is when readers like you, trump type small brain people can only respond to the individual words and not the world the poem's written in. and, then you tweet your response, just like donald trump does. you basically bark in english.

there's rhythm in this piece. it's got a little style and it's not too long. it's a slam on trunk. what's not to like, unless you're too poetry illiterate to get the joke?
 — cadmium

You are a Post Truther, your poem is a reflection of you, not the subject matter. How cheaply you use language, poisons the young people's construct of what is possible and what is not. Congratulations, this is a great poem, I know understand the environment, you are an asshole who does not know how to mock the greatest lie of our generation. But you still insist it is the best.
Thank You, really.
 — unknown

It is the best...poem.
 — unknown

'insist it's the best' -- you're really doing your trump thing now, just pointing and shooting. this isn't the best ironic political poem, but it's still better than some weepy crap talking about what a loser everyone is cause they don't love you. this one has style. you have constipation.
 — cadmium

You are not insisting, you are demanding full submission. As you always do. You want to filibuster the truth by literally replacing facts with fiction. Because they are fictions you feel. ..You are the least person qualified to write a Trump poem, as you are compromised with same lack of regard to the truth.

You are a fraud, your write exposes your fakery. Get inspired or surrender to the dying light. Trump is an assault on Truth. Your writing lacks the glitter of Truth. It exposes you as hoax, with every word you defend a crap crafted turd you call poem. Reinvent yourself, mike, joey, cad., you are so much better than this shit. Insist again, that this is good poetry, you will lose the last shred of humanity. Don't distort the truth.  
 — unknown

i want to find out if people are poets, not just typists having a nice day. i go right to the heart of the matter -- i push to find out if you can read poetry at all. most people here don't even read the poems here -- they're 'afraid of being influenced.' -- that's real and ok, and i did that when i was in my twenties, cause i didn't have any reason to write poetry except to make the beat scene with beats. then, i dropped acid and grew up. now i only write when i'm struck by jesus. given that i don't believe in jesus i have to ask why i write at all? and, then i remember: music is god, the churches grew up around singing. blah-blah chatter is just for the retards.

are you retard? do you read poetry? are you jesus? thanks for asking me to be your cocksukker, but i think you're a zombie. a whiny zombie looking for a daddy.
 — cadmium

There it is. An ever pulsating fraud, perpetuating shit write, as poetry. Trump eschews the truth by commanding he is the only that knows, how you scream this is a lie, defines your character. You have defined your stupidity with this dumb shit poem.
 — unknown

That be you, and sadly all your incarnation. So, in this sense I will give 10. It is a successful poem, but not for the reasons you think.
 — unknown

you seem to know an awful lot, but i'm not anything like you describe me. like hitler, you need a scapegoat -- you're not against trump, just jealous of his success in the eyes of your dad. now i'm your jew, your queer. it's always been a problem for me here, cause there's always bedwetters and straight guys who'd only be queer after two six-packs. they really need a clean site to hit on women, to be the only tough guys who've been in the army. you'all should be on jerry springer -- you're looking for someone to say it's ok for you to be lamer, to be a victim -- to say you're ok cause you vote for the right party and you recycle.

the judgment is that you don't write smart, and this is a poetry workshop not a strip bar. you can't win just by talking about someone's tits here -- we can't see them and you don't write well enough to make us want to see them. it's about writing. you don't read enough to write like the writer joe you're trying to come off as. take a college course in accounting. do the math.
 — cadmium

Wow, as if truth can be bent by your distortion. To defend a piece of shit poem, like your life depends on it, divulge whatever that makes you, you.
You will self reference your life, your family, your gender to prop a dumb poem. because you think the truth can be willed to your perspective, because you are fundamentally a confidence artist, a con artist. I will try to prop more 10 on steaming pile of dishonest discourse, because you can't hide.
 — unknown

i'm defending the act of writing a poem. i happen to like john donne's so-called 'holy sonnets' very much as writing -- they transcend the religious thing. and, Bach's st. matthew passion is probably the work that most works on all my musical levels, but i don't believe the myth of jesus.

it really doesn't matter. look at this analytically, instead of like a mississippi redneck...

the glitter of your orange hair. ( well, trump doesn't have orange hair, does he?, ) but putting it into this knock-off 'poetry' phrase puts the theme of trump in a pink light -- pink and orange and some glitter in the breeze.

the orange hair shows the back-bone -- and, the orange hair is probably painted on, just as trump's bravado is probably something he bought at Louis. more of the joke, layering it on.

'i'm simply in awe' -- but, of course, the author is repulsed, but slavers on a slab of cream-cheese on donald's orange hair to build some monster item only found in a new york deli.

'in awe of what you must do...' -- obviously, trump is all talk and has said and promised too much.

'despite the disapproval of others...' like, as if trump would pay any attention to hecklers in the audience, his trip being vegas standup -- a marshmellow don rickles.

'and, the contempt of many' again, as if trump would be able to read the new york times at all.

'particularly CNN' -- and, here's the prescience in this, since it was written before trump completely blew off the media.

'for once in a long while...' this is poetic wording but also joke wording -- as if history was waiting for trump, as if trump could actually accomplish anything more historical than being a joke.

'the prize has been sought...' the prize of being loved by retards, retards having the most votes, and buying those votes with bogus towers of babylon to heaven... trump's wall.

'the safety of our nation from radicals...' this shows both that the author is probably american and that this is an in-joke. and, also, that the threat of radicals is mostly a canard to frighten people into loving donald of trump, knight of round table pizzas.

'brown skunky people' a  joke throw-away to sound like a trump voter.

'what an established being you are' in other words, how pretentiously empty trump must be to not care at all what anyone thinks, and throwing off criticism by saying it's just from " 'bums in the alley' -- nothing to see here folks, move along"

it's flat out enough comedy, succinct enough if you've got the education to read it. if not, then who cares, cause reading things won't change your mind will it? you've bet your loser life that that's true. and, here you are in a writing workshop being challenged for the first time -- first time you couldn't just scream and call the cops.

it's as good as any other satiric poem. and it's satirizing someone i don't like at all. what's not to like about it?
 — cadmium

as for the music in this, count the syllables per line -- it's a very sophisticated poem, probably built by someone who hears language as music. look at how tight 13 and 14 are. this is lyrical.

now, who would hear language as music instead of as a screwdriver -- oh, yes, 'poets'.
 — cadmium

The insolence of your ignorance, presume that I can't read the simplicity of your poem, as if
It hides a treasure, when the problem with the poem it is so fucking obvious, that it leaves and leads you to nothing but just observational words. To claim this is satire or irony because prosody it is just plain nonesense.
 — unknown

for one thing, it's not my poem. for the other, your comments prove you didn't read it, and now you're whining like a teen-ager at the mall because they kicked you out of the multiplex because you laugh too loud. as if.

you're just a worthless dweeb here, you're not into poetry just into one-liner jokes and sad-clown letters to the editor. you write dry, like you don't have a soul. you can't find a soul just be whining the same things over and over.

you can't fucking even do your own critique on this poem, to counter mine. you're worthless.
 — cadmium

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