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my older brother made me smart

he sat on my chest and closed my breathing holes
and nearly made me pass out
might have on one or two occasions
he abused me and challenged me and even one time
let his friends encourage me to hurt myself
(he felt very bad about that i could tell)
he would come home from school apparently and
teach me my abc's
he was always smiling regardless of his intentions

20 Feb 17

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boys are worthless -- i had two younger brothers who'd always made noise. but, boys smell, and there's no disgust in this, just witnessing, like you were standing in front of a congregation of maple trees in the woods and were afraid to say it anywhere else.

like, in some ways, older boys teach us to be men. are you frozen in childhood because of your older brother? what about when you wanted to be him? do you still? is that why you're torturing this prose paragraph into whimpering?
 — cadmium