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hish o moo chak
cadmium

hish o moo chak
 1
in the loop, in the form of an 'o',
 2
you kissed me in silence... i'll never know why.
 3
you wished me in secret,
 4
afraid jack would tell;
 5
alone from your wishes,
 6
i wish you to hell.
 7
 
 
playing pool in bomb-bay,
 8
then, over to java: gamalan gong;
 9
and you told me i could have-ya
 10
after the throng was threw,
 11
didacting you on who i waz,
 12
and what was what for your career.
 13
 
 
oh, my dear,
 14
go play, don't talk, fly over the dew;
 15
you sprightly young crawfish,
 16
who swim in the stew,
 17
are sensitive poets, william butthole keats;
 18
just like me and you.
 19
 
 
alike you and me, forever. alack,
 20
crustaceans in fear;
 21
the devil is waiting:
 22
stewed you-you, and beer.
 23
 
 
moo chak-chaw hiss tok,
 24
hish o moo, chuk-chack.
 25
a chat doesn't linger,
 26
a poem won't kiss back.
 27

17 May 17

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Comments:

'i'll never know why' sounds like the 5th note in the 5/4 measure.
🤔
 — fractalcore

oh, yes. 'take five' -- do-do-do, do-do'... like, the downbeat really makes it six four, in 'take five'.

yes, i wanted to open it from the nine beat 'in the loop' line. so, five plus four, i guess. probably, a lot of triplets in there.

hish o moo chak is actually the first line of the thing, not a title. so: "hish o moo chak, i'll never know why." is the secret underground river flowing to the Cminor.
 — cadmium

added a stanza. 18 may.
 — cadmium

hish o moo chak -- you're not usually so limericky but nevertheless this is musical and playful and dark -- and strikes the earth -- the sounds are inescapable and pulls the reader in -- my brain wants to make the fantasy-words sound like reality -- I'm certainly working towards poems that kiss back however, even cuddle :)
 — AlchemiA

yah, i'm just making noise with this. it was fun to write. but, the message is that poetry isn't a tool to get laid or get back on someone you're too chicken to confront in person. that it's a spiritual entity, like a ghost, and created between the reader and the author.

the new crit says that you're only supposed to look at the text, not at the author. and that's a welcome and favorite move for beginners to hear about, because they're so unsure what they're supposed to write about in order to become a poet. in fact, they want you to believe that everything is poetry and everyone's a poet, except that maybe they're more brilliant than anyone else and their precious should get a nobel prize.

a poem can't kiss back, stupid. you're using poetry to get laid, just like a beginner. it's not that anything's wrong with you, it's just that you're some kind of junior scientist who still thinks he's above being jerked around by feeling and emotion... that you can tweet like a magpie and all the pretty things will think you're pretty too. i want to make poems which will cause someone to want to make a poem. i don't care if i get a like out of it on facebook. where are you really at, alc? are you the philosopher or the donald trump negotiator looking to make a deal with the reader...
 — cadmium

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