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In the chasms of this world
lie bathyal gardens
archaic and secret,
Like a sweetness of slumber
which calls out in sweltering precipice
and whirlwind swelling,
drinks down one who
has forgotten
the desires of this world
Into a place where
tiger-lily citadels
linger on the tongue
of an angel-mirror
which stands in a mist of time-less
on the edge of a latent potential
through the gates of an abyss
of a heart,
covered in ivy and lush
with unraveling silence
The sirens call

1 Jul 04

Rated 7 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (3): 7, 9, 9

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Is it based offf the game
 — dmu_96

mmm <3333333333333
 — unknown

It's really quite lovely. I'm not familiar with any game (confused about that comment) but the poem itself has wonderful imagery. It flows nicely.
 — Ladarna

Nope. Not based off the game at all. lol. But funny you asked. I do like that game a lot. I love the word "arcanum"; maybe the game made me think of it. =) But nope, other than the name and the magickal theme, has nothing to do with any game.
 — elysium

I like the imagery and if you do work on ittry to make it flow,but a really good effort i,e.l14 15 16 stumble along.I particularly liked the last two lines
 — larrylark

I adore this piece.  You have a great talent.  You words have found themselves in my dreams.
 — unknown

 — unknown

"bathymal" puzzles me, causing me to lose track without rereading
I want to look the meaning up but have no dictionary handy; I wonder at first if its the word you meant or a spelling error.
I wonder if your two "which" pronouns would be better as -ing {calling, standing}but you already are using -ings nearby
I like "sweltering precipice" and "whirlwing swelling" but they seem abrupt and slightly confusing, perhaps unfitting to the original garden image, until I studied the poem further
"mist of time-less on the edge of a latent potential" - great image/ did you use a hyphen purposefully?
not clear what is "covered in ivy and lush with unraveling silence" - a beautiful image
I love this poem.  The need to reread and reread makes me wonder if you need to  unmix your images somewhat so the flow is smoother.  But perhaps it's perfect as is.
What changes do you feel it needs, or what choices seem to need work?
 — eliza

I was just wondering.
 — dmu_96

a break after "archaic and secret"

Have you read Gwendolyn MacEwen's Arcanum poems?  I am trying to find copies of them?  Can you help?

Gratias tibi!
 — unknown

"Have you read Gwendolyn MacEwen's Arcanum poems?  I am trying to find copies of them?  Can you help?"

Never even heard of her. I am quite intrigued, however, so I'm going to look her up later.  If I find anything interesting, I will post it here.
 — elysium

Weird.. I guess I missed your comment earlier. =( Sorry.

bathymal?? You mean:

ADJECTIVE: Of or relating to the region of the ocean bottom between the sublittoral and abyssal zones, from depths of 200 to 4,000 meters (660 to 13,000 feet).  

I almost never misspell in poems thank goodness. I'm a bit obsessive about looking things up if I feel unsure. And yes, I guess I'm trying to get people to get out their dictionaries again! It kinda worked with the other one. ;-)



Now you will always have one handy.

"did you use a hyphen purposefully?"

Yes, actually.

"not clear what is "covered in ivy and lush with unraveling silence""

The heart.

"What changes do you feel it needs, or what choices seem to need work?"

This was one of the poems I found in all my scribbling, and since it was something I had just scribbled down in the heat of the moment, I figured it would probably need some tidying up. I actually kinda like it as it is now in some ways, but little things might improve it. I am not sure that it is "perfect". I like your suggestions. Thank you.

Ok. In one of the next poems I post, I'm going to try to use as many strange, unknown words as I can find! hehe

 — unknown

I like how the last line sits on its own.
 — abby

 — abby

'its' was right, actually, abby. It's its not it is.. Lol. I used to get those confused too until I burned them into my brain. People misspell them so much, you get used to them being used improperly. It's like the word definitely that almost everyone spells definately.
 — elysium

How is it you write as well as you do.  You amaze me.
 — devilsbelboy