kind of saying too much. could be more like a poem. talking sentences means killing rhythm. a poem only can exist in rhythm, otherwise it's just an obituary for some brilliant opinion.
I think it's saying pretty close to a perfect amount. It is very much a poem. While I like rhythm, and welcome it... I do not find it necessary. Besides, I think this contains it anyway.
It's okay to be sad, but do some people 'like' to be sad?
That's my main question. And the positive and proactive person in me, doesn't like to think that they do.
Also, as the other party in any sort of communicative event, I have found that most people are more in tune with their better self when they are happy and relaxed. Better to be around. Non draining.
It's okay to be sad, sure. but If somebody was sad everyday, I'd probably put my psycho nurse hat on and ask them to see what they could do different to achieve an alternative result.
I'm not going to brush their tears and kiss their little twinkles, because as far as I'm concerned, that is a disservice nobody needs.
...In some ways, sadness seems to be a badge of honour among poetry writers.
My own writes using this method never seem real to me.
That's prolly a good thing too because if they did I'd likely retrieve them for excuses to dwell and make myself sad.
It's just the cyclic nature of anything. And hell, let's not label ourselves, if we can help it...that's for third party representatives of poetry abuse.
Right. Of course I'm right.
of course. for an essay it's fine, but for a poem it doesn't do anything but make the reader this passive grateful receptor of your wisdom. as wisdom, it's fine if it's carved on a rock, but it's not a living poem.
it's not what you say -- because, you probably could go much, much deeper into the problems and realities this text suggests. but, how you say it. you want to get the reader's brain parts to join into a more visual and kinetic aesthetic, so that not only does the reader have an opinion, but knows how become you so that they actually understand how to make this poem and not just slurp it.
'sad' is subjective to the point of banality. what do we have in this except some cliches listed as things we're supposed to be sad about? you don't even seem that sad about them -- they're all just an assortment of boo-hoo's in a candy box.
you want to make really 'sad', show yourself as a loser. really, i mean we all are losers, but to have your characters walk out of your poem and go have fun without you -- that would be sad, if you could word it up realistically.
I actually don't mind the poem. I think it's good for one of yours, Danny. Sorry I was just having a content rant...It was really just based on 'community' and how labelling people sad or happy or fun or anything can make original thought redundant. You know, especially if you're kind of a private person to begin with.
Unlike moi, heh. Party girl allll the way. Fun as.
Well done. I give you 10.
I love the word twat. And I'd so rather tickle myself thinking about how fun that word is than be a higher God.
You boys love talking about taking shits. Never got that. :-/
Sorry if my first comment was quite serious. I won't get a reply so it makes no difference anyway, lol
Oh God, I have something so crude, yet funny, to remark about shits in poems and 'flirting' but I can't and won't do it, I'm too wrapped up in 'behaviour' and being politically correct at the moment. lol.
I'll save it for a poem.
Toilet inspiration forever,
Thanks, everyone, for the input.
Polly, that youtube link doesn't work. Wondering what it is.
No they never work. But you can put the link in the address bar if you care to. It's monty python "alwYs look on the bright side of life"
It's funny, appropriate to what you wrote.
Haha! I figured it out. Good one!
I think you just want to know what my shitting comment was, heh. Trust me, you really don't LOL
Juvenile commentary for a MA+ Audience...
Have a good day, Danny
the sentiment is magnificently orchestrated with myth and human predicament -- the last strophe is like licking honey from the razors edge -- this has good bones, and the voice is phlegmatic and pure, however the talky-talk loses the rythmik punch that we deserve...
Thanks, everyone. I personally like this one as a free verse, but I appreciate the input. This, in my opinion, is a gut poem, and i gotta stick with my gut on this one.
you might try reading it outloud to see how it feels as 'gut' physical poetry. also, you might want to get out of asking the reader to like you cause you wrote it. you ought to be over that, if you're a poet and really want to find the form and texture that would make your writing cause the reader to want to write a poem too. anything less... like, thinking you're a genius or whatever... is just kid's stuff.
cadmium, i will look at this and see what revisions i can offer. I do have to ask, are you thinking this should not be a free verse poem?Do you believe free verse is poetry? I am sincerely curious. I do know that not everyone considers fv to be poetry.
i hate the title. i prefer SAD EVERYDAY
He she and thee. Should have stopped there.
So greater gods ... ?
how does the old asshole respond?
It's not okay to be sad.
Attempt to alter the future.
And be smart.
Call a plumber you fucking cunt
It's not okay to be your mom everyday
I will fall back if you tell me how you feel.
Who are U? a sad whore, a friendly Nubian, a member of the kkk?
it's okay to be sad everyday.