poetry critical

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if you loved your first love you will never love again
unknown

if you loved your first love
 1
you will never love again
 2
she said
 3
asked
 4
and i thought of someone else instead
 5
of her
 6
and gave
 7
a hug of remorse dressed as consolation
 8
as i knew her
 9
to be true
 10

22 Nov 17

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Comments:

Nice. I'd take out the as in line 9.
3 and 4 are uncomfortable. I'm not sure 4 is needed.
 — akiikii

I really liked this. For how short it was, it was very poetic and hit straight on the awkward, critical moment where something concealed was exposed for the author while being stepped around to be kept out of view from their unloved partner. I'd only condense "she said..asked" into "she asked." Otherwise, quite excellent.
 — lyrycsyntyme

Hmm. Yer ...will think about it a bit more

My first impression clever pome crap tittle

Betty
 — unknown

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