poetry critical

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MGM light
cadmium

MGM lighting,
 1
soft, and time glows on --
 2
see them dance,
 3
see them cry,
 4
California dreaming people...
 5
it's a take... here we go,
 6
there we've been,
 7
Hollywood dreams us.
 8
 
 
night slept by,
 9
the moon and the stars,
 10
have all clocked out...
 11
we're alone and
 12
sleeping time's for keeping.
 13
pony gal,
 14
lets not waste
 15
the night sleeping.
 16

18 Jan 18

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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(define the words in this poem)
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Comments:

okay, good start. But for a piece about light, personally I want some color, even if its a silver/greys (not sure of the time period), If its technicolor, give us some of that. Good launching pad
 — sixtywatt

this is a locked piece, for romantics -- for anyone who knows film lighting styles and how they're a character in the film.

for color, see my "quartet", where I try to show what synesthesia is like.

thanks.
 — cadmium

Evocative piece.
 — larrylark

Excellent poem
 — rivergood

why?
 — cadmium

Atmospheric theatre
 — rivergood

don't know exactly what that means.

do the words make you look twice at the poem, or do they just distract you? is 'atmospheric' a way of saying that the poem evokes history, or simply evokes a lovey-dovey moment...?

is a poem about it's words, or about the feelings created in you when you read it? if it's feelings, shouldn't i have written the more simple text: 'let's fuck, baby'? why might i not think that's not what this little lite verse thing is about?

how would you re-write this to make it more real for you...?
 — cadmium

yonder stands the lighthouse of my fodder.
 — cadmium

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