poetry critical

online poetry workshop



stroke of luck
unknown

i prayed to the wrong gods.
 1
my savior did not come from
 2
divine intervention,
 3
pharmaceuticals
 4
or cognitive based therapy
 5
but from a spiteful aneurysm
 6
which popped and restrained you
 7
just as you were gardening,
 8
talking to the flowers.
 9
 
 
now you sit in shit
 10
the bite of your tongue censored
 11
your fists so mangled they beat
 12
the chair instead of my face
 13
your dick a limp hostage to a catheter.
 14
 
 
this morning a fountain of drool drips
 15
as your eyes spin and curse
 16
at the universe.
 17
but i cannot unlove you darling.
 18
some rituals cannot be erased.
 19
for you took a pathetic girl
 20
with no direction, false idols,
 21
and filled her with sin and bruises
 22
until you became my
 23
religion.
 24

28 Apr 18

Rated 10 (10) by 4 users.
Active (4): 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0):

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Comments:

heavy and well writ.  karma...
 — JKWeb

This is a big powerful piece.

Larry decrepid Lark
 — larrylark

sad
 — unknown

Lol
 — unknown

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cai123 06.13
 — unknown

nicely expressed.  line 14 is awesome.  i think the lines need to be a little longer for appreciation; this isn't a linear poem.

i would end the poem at sin and bruises, leaves it open for interpretation and thought.  sometimes it's better to say less. in this case, it would work really well.

thanks for sharing, really like this.
 — jenakajoffer

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