poetry critical

online poetry workshop



underdawgs
cadmium

underdawg looked like
 1
rudy didin't want to,
 2
they being good friends, rudy
 3
was waiting. over the hilllock
 4
ther's a stream,
 5
going through rock and
 6
waiting for summer.
 7
 
 
why are you waiting, little
 8
man, for his hand to
 9
guide you? you never
 10
asked for the times gone by,
 11
but, you wonder why he
 12
hesitates, it's not his fate you
 13
leave or die.
 14
 
 
joliwood asked me if i'd seen
 15
you... now that you're not
 16
market street trash,
 17
they talk about the times
 18
you made them laugh,
 19
and, here you are. over
 20
cross the bay ther's a girl
 21
who loves you. made her
 22
stay away cause you liked
 23
his laughter.
 24
 
 
another time of day
 25
you will wish forgiveness
 26
on your tattered soul.
 27

8 May 18

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Comments:

very 1950s style quick fire narrative
 — rivergood

smile. i was sort of hoping for post-punk modern though. but, i think you're right -- post punk is derivative and i'm derived from that 1950's era.

i was going for an easy feeling, rather than an actual content -- i mean, like more the feeling of a psychology rather than a list of phrases.
 — cadmium

💕
 — unknown

xx
 — unknown

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 — unknown

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